


Second Chances

by thelamespaceace



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Deadlights (IT), Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Sorry Stan is still dead, reddie deserved better and those are just facts, rip Stan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-01-27 16:36:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 32,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21395308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelamespaceace/pseuds/thelamespaceace
Summary: 'Eddie was safe and more importantly, alive. That was all Richie cared about. The pain was nothing compared to the relief.'Richie gets another chance to change things, but ends up paying the price for it.
Relationships: Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier, Bill Denbrough & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Minor Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh - Relationship
Comments: 25
Kudos: 363
Collections: ||My favorite fics||





	1. A difference is made

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I never thought in a million years that I’d be writing fanfic for the clown movie. Well…. Here we are because the clown movie made me sad. And here’s fact. Richie and Eddie deserved better and Pennywise is a homophobic demon alien clown. So, canon? What’s canon? I only know fix-it now.  
Also just a few side notes, I've never read the book. I have only watched the films, so my knowledge of canon will stick to the 2017 and 2019 films. And whilst Stan is dead (it hurt me to keep him dead), but he will be lovingly talked about throughout the future of this fic via the Losers.

Richie smiled at the carving.

** _R + E_ **

He held the words of Stan’s letter close to his heart, every word. But there was one part specifically that hit him in a way that he knew wouldn’t hit the other Losers. 

_Be who you want to be. Be proud. _

Those words had cut deep into him. For Stan he wanted to be brave and do as he asked. Richie felt tears welling up once more, his hand gently tracing over the ‘E’.

Eddie was his first and only love. Even when he didn’t remember him, Richie could never bring himself to harbour feelings for another and he never knew why until he came back to Derry.

And now, Eddie would never know. Richie would have to live his life in regret, knowing that he never told the man he loved how he felt before he died, alone. His body left at the bottom of a collapsing cavern.

“I-” Richie choked on his words. “I wish I told you. I wish you were still here.”

Richie let his tears fall until he noticed something that was far beyond strange. He stared as his tears were going forwards and up merely floating in front of him.

“What the fu-”

Suddenly it was like he was being pulled backwards.

Richie was falling and then suddenly it was like was falling in reverse. And as a weird whiplash he felt himself falling again, but this time he landed hard on the ground.

Richie had to blink a few times, his eyes adjusting to the dark.

“Hey Rich. Richie, hey wake up!”

_What?_

Richie blinked a few times. His vision and mind both adjusting back into reality. Richie couldn’t help but just stare at what was in front of him, or rather, whom.

“Yeah! There he is! Hey buddy!”

_Eddie._

“Hey Richie, listen. I think I got it, man!”

It was then in that moment that Richie’s mind went racing as he realised what was going on. The first explanation he thought of was that he was having some sort of terrible breakdown. That the accumulation of Stan’s letter and returning to the Kissing Bridge where he had once carved his and Eddie’s initials had finally caused him to mentally snap.

The second explanation he could think of was the deadlights, which to Richie felt like one big lie because it couldn’t be real. But with one proper look at Eddie, Richie knew that it was real. 

For the week that followed when they had killed _It_, Richie had tried to imprint every detail of Eddie’s in his mind. Any memory he could grasp was a treasure. It was why he lingered in Derry; just in case their memories were to disappear again. Richie never wanted to forget Eddie.

But with Eddie hovering over him with a dumb grin on his face, Richie could see every detail in his face, down to the dimples in his smile to the smallest of freckles.

No matter how hard Richie had tried, he could never remember those small and precise details. But one look at the real deal, and he knew.

Richie knew that there was still the chance that his mind was playing one big sick joke, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

It felt real enough.

But such relief as soon as it came was doomed to be short-lived.

“I think I killed It! I did! I think I killed --”

_No_. As soon as he heard those words, Richie knew what was about to happen next. But it wasn’t going to happen again. Richie immediately jolted into action.

In one swift movement, Richie had simultaneously grabbed a hold of Eddie and flipped their positions. Richie was trying to roll them out of the way, but there wasn’t any time to completely evade what happened next.

Eddie was in the middle of saying something along the lines of asking Richie what the hell he was doing, but the words vanished.

All Richie knew over the sounds of muffled screams, which he assumed came from Eddie and Beverly, was the hot pain through his side.

Richie struggled to grasp what had happened after that because the next thing he knew was pain and hovering over Eddie, then next Richie felt his face pressed against a rock. He concluded that _It_ must’ve thrown him.

Amongst the confusion, Richie felt himself being hauled up into a sitting position. He saw two blobs that resembled people.

_I don’t have my glasses on_, Richie realised.

“Richie! Hey, Rich! We’ve got you. We’ve got you.” It was Bill’s voice, with not a stutter in sight.

“Hold still for a second, Richie.” That voice was Mike.

Suddenly he felt someone placing his glasses back on his face. And then very clearly, he saw Mike and Bill in front of him. The other Losers quickly running over to him. Their eyes glued to Richie’s bleeding side.

Eddie paused for a moment, his breath getting caught in his throat. Eddie forced himself out of it. He had almost let Richie die with the Stan-head earlier in the house because he couldn’t react out of fear. He wasn’t about to let himself do that again.

“He’s losing too much blood.” Eddie immediately pulled off his jacket. With shaking hands, Eddie used both hands to push it against Richie’s wound.

Richie let out a sharp pained gasp at the pressure.

_That must be good_, Eddie silently thought to himself because if Richie still felt pain, he was still alive. In other words, Eddie found what solace he could in such a horrible situation.

Richie on the other hand, couldn’t help but stare at Eddie.

Beverly glanced over at where Pennywise was attempting to claw at them. Luckily _It_ was too big for the space down the cavern.

“Come out and play, Losers!”

Ben immediately went searching for another exit that Pennywise wasn’t currently occupying.

Ignoring the clown, Eddie lightly tapped the side of Richie’s face, making sure that Richie was focusing on him, which unknown to Eddie he already was.

“How are you doing, Rich?” Eddie asked.

“I got shish kebabbed by a fucking alien clown,” Richie coughed. “You know, just an average Tuesday in Derry.”

What Richie had wanted to do from that was make someone laugh, or at the least crack a smile. Instead, Eddie applied more pressure to Richie’s side, causing him to sharply inhale.

“He needs a hospital. We need to get him out of here!”

“How?” Beverly asked. “We have no way out.”

“Guys! I found a passage out!” Ben called out.

“That’s one problem gone, but what about _It_?”

Richie knew what they needed to do, but he didn’t want to get straight into the fact that he had already lived through it in the deadlights. Instead Richie opted with what got them to realise it initially. Eddie’s story.

He gripped at Eddie’s arm.

“What is it, Rich?” Eddie’s full attention was on him.

“The…The leper….” Richie struggled to get the words out. Feeling his strength leaving him so quickly was frightening as it was painful. Bleeding out was no walk in the park.

Eddie’s eyebrows furrowed. “What?”

“You were brave. _It_… _It_ was scared.”

Richie saw as the cogs in Eddie’s brain began to turn. When they were young, Eddie tended to have his thoughts always written all over his face. But maybe that was because Richie had always paid close attention. Almost 25 years of missing time together, but that was something that hadn’t changed.

Eddie’s mind was reeling. He hadn’t told Richie what had happened with the leper, yet he was talking like he knew. Eddie was about to ask once again what Richie meant, but suddenly he was hit with an epiphany.

He was brave against the leper. He held it by _It_’s throat, choking the life out of it. Eddie would’ve succeeded if it weren’t for the mountain of black projectile vomit. 

“_It_ was weak.” Eddie said, realising what Richie had meant.

Richie tried to smile at seeing the metaphorical lightbulb appear over Eddie, but his smile came out as more of a grimace.

“What are you talking about?” Bill finally asked.

“When it appeared to me as a leper, I got a hold of _It_. I was choking _It_. I fought back, holding on to _It’s_ throat. I made _It_ seem so small.”

Richie could practically see the light bulbs going off in the other’s head.

“The Shokopiwah people,” Mike’s eyes widened. “All living things must abide by the form they inhabit.”

Beverly’s eyes widened as well.

“The cavern on the way in. _It_ will have to be small to fit through. _It_ should be small enough to kill.”

“Guys.” Richie said, while his voice sounded weaker, it had never sounded so clear.

All eyes were on their beloved ‘Trashmouth’. The look of determination was burning in his eyes. Richie gritted his teeth, attempting to swallow down his pain to sound clear.

“There’s another way to make someone feel small,” Richie looked over to Mike. The memory of what he had said in the life Richie had thought he had lived came rippling back. “_It_’s just a clown.”

Mike blinked letting it sink in. A small smile broke out on his face.

“Richie, you genius!”

But really, Richie knew that he couldn’t take credit for the idea. If anything, Mike was calling himself the genius.

Richie smiled.

“Go get that motherfucking clown.”

* * *

Richie hated how he couldn’t focus on what was going on. They were out of the small cavern. In the corner of Richie’s eye, he saw Ben running over to join the fray. He must’ve helped Eddie carry him out back into the open.

It felt like he was running through a blur until Eddie was back to fixing his gaze on him. Eddie moved his jacket away to inspect the wound again.

“What’s the verdict Dr K?” Richie didn’t mean for it to sound like a whisper, but he had no energy to talk properly.

Eddie didn’t reply, instead he pushed the jacket back down harder on to Richie’s side.

A sharp pained gasp slipped out of Richie.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Eddie frowned. “You’re going to be okay. Just hang a little while longer.”

Richie wasn’t an idiot. He knew what Eddie was doing was out of desperation. They both knew why. A truth no one wanted to accept. Richie was dying.

Oddly enough the thought of that didn’t scare Richie. Instead, he let himself just stare at Eddie for a moment. Richie let himself take it all in. What he was seeing wasn’t a lost memory. It was real. Eddie was with him. Eddie was safe and more importantly, alive. That was all Richie cared about. The pain was nothing compared to the relief.

“This…..” Richie began, his voice resigned, “This is okay.”

Eddie’s eyes almost bulged out of his head.

“How the fuck is this okay!? Don’t you dare go saying shit like that!”

Richie slowly placed his hand over Eddie’s, causing the other to look the other in the eyes. The moment Eddie looked back into his eyes, Richie only had one thought.

_Eddie’s alive and he will continue to live._

It was then that Richie knew that he did not have a single regret.

He could die at peace knowing that Eddie was alive. That was enough for Richie.

“I…I wanna tell you something.”

“No,” Eddie shook his head as tears began to well up in his eyes. “Don’t give me that last words goodbye bullshit. You’re not going to die. I’m not going to let you! Tell me after we’re out of here, okay?”

Richie wanted to smile, and retort “_says the guys whose last words were ‘I fucked your mother’_” but he knew it wouldn’t have made sense. That was a different Eddie – well, not so much different Eddie, but a different future. Richie didn’t know even if he should’ve called it that. The deadlights were hard to explain.

Regardless, Richie knew that while the others were taking down the clown, they still needed all hands-on deck for the final blow, or squeeze if what he saw was right.

Richie attempted to push Eddie’s hand off him. 

“You…You need to go help the others.”

“What? No!” Eddie hissed. “I’m not leaving you!”

“I’ll be okay for a few minutes,” Richie took a moment to catch his breath. “But…But right now the others need all the help they can get.”

Eddie hesitated. “Promise me you won’t die.”

Richie knew better to make a promise he knew that he couldn’t keep. With every moment he could feel himself slipping further and further away.

He was dying. A simple promise wouldn’t stop that from happening.

“I promise.”

Richie just hoped that not breaking a promise to Eddie of all people was stronger than death.

Eddie immediately and swiftly wrapped his jacket around Richie’s waist close to the wound, tightly tying it around the bleeding. Eddie placed Richie’s hands over it and pushed down.

“Keep pressure on that!”

“Go!” Richie’s yell was quite pathetic, but Eddie complied regardless.

The quicker they killed the clown, the quicker they could Richie out of there. Eddie scattered to his feet and over to where the fight was. Never had Richie seen Eddie run toward danger so quickly. But despite what Richie though, it wasn’t bravery that drove Eddie to run toward Pennywise; it was rage.

Eddie ran over to where they had the small and dishevelled Pennywise pinned.

“I’m the eater of worlds!” _It_ pathetically insisted.

Eddie took one look at the arm-claw that had pierced through Richie, and the next thing he knew, he was ripping it off the dying clown. Eddie threw the arm to the ground like it weighed nothing.

Beverly was the most shocked at the action, but she kept chanting ‘clown’ along with the others.

“You’re just a fucking clown!” Eddie hissed, joining in with the other’s chant.

They had Pennywise back to the wall of a rock.

“A clown,” Mike bravely stared _It _down. “With a scared beating heart.”

“Would you look at that,” Pennywise forced a smile in it’s weakened state. “Someone cheated this time.”

Simultaneously all the Loser’s had the same collective thought.

_What the fuck does that mean?_

But before they could give another thought, they all squeezed _It_’s heart. As Eddie helped to squeeze it, he couldn’t help but feel a strange feeling like _It_ was talking about him. He quickly brushed it off as he and the others watched as he faded into nothing. And just hovering above them, the deadlights vanished.

They all let themselves have a moment of relief and victory. Bill affectionately resting his head against Mike’s, as Ben and Beverly grabbed on to Eddie in a semi hug.

Eddie couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.

They did it. They had killed Pennywise for good.

Eddie suddenly got hit back with reality.

“Richie. Guys, Richie!”

Immediately the joy was gone, and they all rushed back over to where Eddie had left Richie.

_Don’t be dead. Don’t be dead._ Eddie chanted to himself. He felt as he saw Richie staring down at the same spot.

“Richie?” Bill cautiously asked.

No one knew what they’d do if Richie didn’t respond to Bill. Luckily, they didn’t have to find out. They felt like they could take a breath when Richie’s eyes suddenly darted upwards toward them. Seeing the others, he tried to smile.

“Did you kill _It_?” Richie asked in a whisper.

“Yeah. Yeah, we did,” Eddie smiled, kneeling beside him. “Let’s get you up.”

Eddie tried to tug Richie to his feet but instead Richie’s legs remained still and he shook his head.

“I don’t think I can move.” Richie said, almost like a confession.

He saw as Eddie’s smile dropped from his face. Richie really didn’t want to see that.

Then suddenly, the whole cavern was all beginning to come down. Richie felt the echo of the memory of Eddie’s death. Richie had left for less than a few minutes and Eddie had died, alone. If the others hadn’t dragged him out, Richie would’ve stayed with Eddie and died too. But that wasn’t what their new future had in store. Not for Eddie at least.

_Eddie will live._

“Just go. It’s all about to come down.” Richie said.

“No, Richie no!” Eddie pleaded, half was that Richie would stop talking like that, the other was that he couldn’t believe Richie was giving up.

“That’s not happening!” Mike snapped.

“There isn’t enough time.” Richie insisted. He didn’t want to be the cause if they didn’t get out. If he had to die there, he would be okay with that, or at least that’s what he told himself.

“Like hell there isn’t!” Ben forcibly slung Richie over his shoulder. “Let’s go!”

Richie didn’t have the strength to fight back. Besides, even if he hadn’t been impaled, the chances of him against Ben and all what Richie assumed to be his eight abs, were slim.

* * *

The Loser’s didn’t waste anytime running and climbing back through everything. Richie couldn’t say that he remembered a lot of it, but what he did pick up on was the fact he was being tossed around and shoved like a rag doll through tight spaces. It was a good thing that he couldn’t really feel pain anymore….. but the more Richie thought about that, he realised that maybe that wasn’t a good thing.

By some miracle, they all were steps out just as the house collapsed. _It_ may have been dead, but there wasn’t any time to celebrate.

“Check Richie. Check Richie!” Bill barked, noticing how Richie’s eyes were shut as he was draped over Ben’s shoulder.

Mike ran straight for the nearest car, wasting no time to gawk at the destruction of the Neibolt house. Beverly and Eddie kneeled as Ben lowered Richie to the ground. Bill was standing idly by watching as Mike ran.

Eddie reached out a shaking hand to Richie’s next, desperately checking for a pulse. Eddie felt a breath slam back into him as he felt one. It was weak but it was there.

Richie opened his eyes at the touch, but they slowly began to droop again as soon as they were open.

“Hey, hey! No! Open your eyes, Richie!” Eddie placed both hands on the sides of Richie’s face. “Come on, look at me! Look at me!”

Richie felt a ghost of a memory come back to him with those words. It was the first time they faced It in the Neibolt house. It was coming towards them, claws out and sharp. The roles were reversed, and Richie had grabbed on to Eddie’s face, yelling at Eddie to look at him. Richie remembered thinking that if they were going to die in that moment, he hadn’t wanted their last memory to be of a killer clown, but he’d rather it of each other. Eddie had his arm broken, but they both lived through that, they all did.

Richie’s eyes were getting heavier, but Richie forced himself to open them. He wanted to be able to see Eddie, but his vision was blurry, and he could only see his outline.

“Where are my glasses?” Richie asked, squinting his eyes. He thought that he must’ve lost them as they were leaving.

“Richie,” Beverly held back tears. “You _are _wearing your glasses.”

“Oh…” That’s all what Richie could muster. He knew he didn’t have much time left.

Mike came to a screeching halt on the side of the road. Ben didn’t care at all that Mike was driving his car so carelessly. Ben knew it was dumb to leave the keys to his car in ignition, but it was the isolated Neibolt Street and in that moment, it was like a ray of hope.

“Come on! Let’s go!” Ben lifted Richie into the back seat. Eddie was close behind. They all rapidly squeezed in the back with Bill in the front seat. Ben was still out the car looking for something in his car’s trunk.

“Ben, hurry the fuck up!” Bill yelled; his eyes glued on Richie.

“Ben!” Beverly desperately called.

Richie was still slowly blinking at the commotion around him. The yelling didn’t make much sense to him, it was all starting to fizzle out.

“I got it! I got it!” Ben leapt into the backseat. Before he had shut the door, Mike was flooring it. The Derry hospital was about fifteen minutes away from the Neibolt house. Mike planned to get there in five minutes if not shorter. He knew Derry inside and out. Every route and every short cut.

“I don’t know how much this is going to help.” Ben showed what he had grabbed.

It was a first aid kit. Eddie practically snatched it from his hands. Beverly half cradled Richie to sit up as Eddie fumbled through the small kit for whatever he could use. 

Eddie’s hands shook as he untied his blood-soaked jacket from Richie’s side. It was too much blood, but Eddie refused to lose his cool. Not after almost getting Richie killed once and saving him only for Richie to take the hit.

He wasn’t going to let him down. Not again. Eddie lifted Richie’s shirt and immediately he dressed and began to wrap the wound as expertly as he could. He may have not ended up being a doctor like Beverly had hoped, but he knew enough about first aid.

“You’re going to be okay, honey.” Beverly kept soothingly running her hand through Richie’s hair. “We’re getting you to a hospital. Just sit tight.”

Eddie was done, but he took notice of right away that Richie had barely flinched as he wrapped the gauze around him. On top of it all, Richie had been quiet. 

“Hey, hey, hey!” Eddie cradled Richie’s face in his hands. It must’ve been the right choice because Richie’s gaze seemed to focus on him once again. “You’re going to be okay, alright? You’re going to be okay. Just stay with me here, okay, Rich? Richie?”

Dying gave a strange feeling of apathy. There was no shame or fear. It would’ve felt peaceful if he weren’t so aware of what he was leaving behind, but it was also with each passing moment that he felt himself not having the strength left to care even if he wanted to.

_Well, I suppose, if I have one last chance to be brave and say something, now’s as good as time as any._

With what strength he had left, Richie chose to speak.

“Eds.”

“Yeah? What is it, buddy?”

“Eds, I’ve always….I…” _I love you._

Richie couldn’t finish what he was saying. The last of his strength slipped away from him. His eyes shut not knowing whether his last memory was going to be of Eddie’s worried face down in that cave.


	2. A choice is made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry about the late update! This would’ve been out a lot sooner but out of the blue my parents bought a dog!! I got to name him. His name is Obi, after Obi Wan Kenobi. I love him!
> 
> Alright, enough about my new puppy, and back to the story. This chapter became far bigger than I anticipated, so I hope it's worth the wait!

* * *

Five hours.

It had been five hours since they had finally killed It.

And it had been five hours since they had made it to the hospital once Richie had fallen unconscious in the car.

Eddie had gone hysterical, screaming at Mike to drive faster.

They came running in half crazed, demanding a doctor for Richie. The staff very quickly rushed toward them, whisking Richie away.

_“40-year-old male. Large laceration through lower abdomen.”_

_“He’s gone into hypovolemic shock. We need to prepare a blood transfusion of about 5 units. Stat!”_

Richie disappeared in a flurry of medical staff and the Losers were left standing there.

With Beverly covered in blood, they rang the cops on the spot. Bill, being the masterful storyteller, made up a convincing story mere minutes before the cops arrived so they all had time to have the same story to tell.

The story was that they had decided to explore the abandoned house on Neibolt when Henry Bowers found them, practically destroying the house with them inside. Whilst Bill hadn’t known about Bowers’ because he was chasing after the kid that Pennywise was after, Mike managed to give him the run down, insisting they use him for the story.

Richie’s wound was told to both the doctors and police to also have been Henry Bowers’ doing, claiming that he had impaled him. And that in their desperation, they rushed Richie to hospital, not knowing where Bowers’ had gone.

Whilst Bowers’ death could easily be viewed as self-defence, it was easier to say that since the Loser’s had already hidden the body and it made for a more convincing story.

Luckily for the Losers, the police in Derry didn’t seem to question them much else after they got some statements from them. They left after the Loser’s had insisted that they hadn’t planned on leaving the hospital. They probably wouldn’t have gotten away like that in any other place other than Derry, but after all the town put them through, it was about time they got a lucky break.

The hospital staff seemed less docile after the police officers seemed satisfied and left. They had approached Eddie, insisting to look at and change the bandage on his face.

Eddie told them no, much to the surprise of all the Losers. Eddie had been practically rolling in filth and bacteria and he didn’t want to take that opportunity to get it cleaned? That’s when they realised how effected Eddie was from what happened to Richie.

It wasn’t until some insistence from Beverly that he finally accepted the nurse’s request.

Eddie opened his eyes and he stared back at the clock as each second ticked by.

It had been two hours since the stab wound on his cheek was stitched up properly and cleaned.

Eddie rested his head against the wall. He hated hospitals; his mother would take him frequently as a boy over the smallest of things.

As an adult, he hated them even more. He especially hated the waiting room they were in. The chairs were uncomfortable, the tv wasn’t working, and the magazines were years out of date.

But the worst part is that there was still no news on Richie. They asked a nurse every 30 minutes, but no one knew what was happening.

_“We’ll do everything we can. All you can do now is stay in the waiting room until there is a new development in his condition.”_ Is what they were told every time.

The others hadn’t entertained the thought of leaving to get cleaned up. It was a silent agreement amongst them that no one would leave until they knew if Richie was okay.

Eddie looked around. In the waiting room they were in it was only himself and the Losers. He figured that since they refused to leave, the staff had purposely put them in a separate room from others in the hospital.

Bill and Mike were intensely focused on either something on the floor or they were both hard in thought. Eddie didn’t have to have to take a wild guess at which one was correct.

In the meanwhile, Beverly quietly rested her head against Ben’s shoulder. The two looked both sombre but somewhat comforted that they had each other.

Eddie couldn’t help but feel a smile prick at his lips. The aura around the two seemed different and Eddie had a hunch as to why. He could imagine would Richie would say at the sight.

_‘Well it’s about fucking time!’_

Eddie found himself letting out a quiet huff of laughter at the thought. Even though so much time had passed, Richie really hadn’t changed all that much. Eddie on the other hand felt like he went backwards once he had forgotten Derry. And despite everything horrible he had gone through since returning, Eddie was finally beginning to feel like his true self.

Deep down, Eddie couldn’t help but wonder what his life would have been like if he had never forgotten Derry.

A vague image started to form in his head in the form of a daydream. Eddie saw himself in a nice house, sitting on a couch with something furry on his lap. Probably a dog that his mother and wife had always told him never to go near. As he petted it, he saw a wedding ring around his finger, but it was different to the golden one he had. It was white gold, a type of jewellery that Myra didn’t like. Eddie then saw himself look towards the door as someone walked in. Before he could imagine the figure that was his partner, Eddie shook himself out of the daydream.

Eddie didn’t want to think about it anymore. There was no point in imagining what could have been. The facts, whilst painful to accept, were that he did forget. They all did. And Richie was in the hospital because he had protected him.

It was just as Eddie was going to rest his eyes once more that an older man in scrubs walked in.

“Family of Richard Tozier?”

Everyone was on their feet in an instance and they hastily gathered around the doctor.

“I’m Dr Simins, I’m Richard’s doctor.”

Mike was the first to ask.

“How is he?”

“Well,” the doctor began, “When he was impaled it missed all the vital organs, but it did manage to nick at a few of the larger more vital arteries. The last-minute bandaging held off the bleeding just long enough to get him here to us. Mr Tozier wouldn’t have made it here without it.”

“So, he’s going to be okay?” Beverly asked hopefully.

The Loser’s felt their stomachs drop as the doctor’s face remained indifferent.

“Possibly.”

They all felt fear and confusion spike through them.

“What does that mean?” Ben slowly asked.

“It means that we’re preparing him for an emergency skin graft surgery. While we have managed to slow down the bleeding, but his wound is too large to seal up by usual means. But you all must know that while he’s alive, he’s very weak. There’s a high chance that he won’t survive the surgery. In his state, I’d say you all need to prepare for the worst.”

It took a moment for the doctor’s words to sink in. Bill was just about to open his mouth to say something, but it was Eddie who snapped.

“That’s not good enough!”

The doctor was obviously shocked at the sudden rage coming from the shorter man.

“Please sir, I’m -”

“I don’t wanna hear it!” Eddie yelled, pointing aggressively at the doctor. “You are a doctor! You are meant to save lives! So, don’t give me that bullshit! You get your ass in there and do your fucking job and save him!”

The others said nothing, only staring at Eddie in awe at the sudden outburst. The doctor was silent for a long moment. His face blank until suddenly he began to slowly nod.

“I’ll do what I can.”

The doctor hurriedly left, and Eddie was left heavily panting. Ben slowly went to place a hand on Eddie’s shoulder.

“Eddie-”

He cut off Ben, shoving off his hand and storming out of the room. They all made a move to go after him, but it was Beverly who raised her hand towards the others to stop. They silently understood and let Beverly be the one to go after Eddie.

Beverly found him outside the hospital pacing backwards and forwards, barely noticing that Beverly was standing idly nearby.

“This is my fault,” Eddie kept repeating himself. “This is my fault. This is all my fault.”

“Eddie, honey, look at me,” she grabbed a hold of both his shoulders, forcing him to look at her. “None of this is your fault.”

“How can it not be?” Eddie humourlessly scoffed. “Richie never would be in here if he didn’t take the hit.”

“Eddie, listen to me. If he didn’t do that than it would’ve gone straight through you and you would’ve died.”

“You don’t know that.”

If Eddie had been paying attention, he would’ve seen how Beverly’s face fell. Her eyes saying how she held a secret. Whatever it was, Beverly decided not to speak of it because she knew it wasn’t something that Eddie needed in that moment.

She knew that what he needed was reassurance. The secret she kept was better saved for another time.

Beverly’s hands dropped from Eddie’s shoulders to gently reach out for his hand.

“Richie is going to live,” she squeezed his hand. “Richie’s a fighter. Always has been. He won’t give up so easily. We all know that. And he wouldn’t want you to blame yourself either. So, please Eddie, stop it.”

Eddie felt like he heard Richie agreeing with her.

_She’s right. While I’m touched that you’re worried about me, you need to chill the hell out. I’ll be fine, Eddie Spaghetti. _

Eddie couldn’t help but smile, almost going to say ‘don’t call me that’ aloud. Regardless, Beverly was right. Richie was a fighter. He wasn’t going to go down without a fight.

Deep down, Eddie just hoped that Beverly was right, and that Richie would live.

* * *

The waiting game begun all over again and quickly the Losers were losing their minds in the stress of the wait. No one could sit still for more than a few minutes at a time. Eddie’s leg kept bouncing as he sat, leaning forwards, his hands folded together as he stared at the clock. Eddie religiously stared at how the red second hand kept ticking by.

With each second, Eddie felt like the clock got louder and louder, as if to mock him.

The wait was agonisingly painful.

It was nearing to the third hour of waiting when Dr Simins finally walked back into the room. The Loser’s crowded around the doctor. Beverly tightly holding Ben’s hand in her own as they all approached the doctor.

“How is he?” Mike asked.

They both hoped and feared for what the answer was.

The doctor’s stoic face shifted into a small smile. And it was when they saw that, they all felt relief beginning to spur in their chests.

“The surgery went well. While he lost a lot of blood, I am hopeful. When he wakes up, he ought to give you all his gratitude.”

“_When he wakes up_?” Ben repeated. “So, you mean…?”

The doctor nodded, a tired smile on his face.

“He’s going to fine.”

They all let out a breath they had been holding. The stress that they had been all holding had come out in relieved tearless sobbing. Dr Simins allowed them to have their moment in peace.

“Can we see him?” Eddie asked.

The doctor nodded once more, leading them to Richie’s room.

“The anaesthesia will take a while to filter out of his system, so he may be unconscious for quite some time. The best thing for him is to get some rest, so I’ll ask you not to be too loud around him.”

The others nodded but hadn’t been listening all that closely to what the doctor was saying. All they cared about was that Richie was okay.

Dr Simins gestured to the door, room 19. As he walked away, they immediately piled into the room.

Richie was lying still on the bed. His face so pale. Eddie couldn’t help but focus on the fact that Richie’s chest slowly rose and fell with each breath. One of the simplest signs that Richie was still alive. And despite trying not to, Eddie couldn’t help but still have that little voice in his head telling him ‘_this is all your fault_’.

Slowly, everyone made themselves comfortable somewhere in the cramped room, watching over Richie. The two chairs in the room beside the bedside were taken by Eddie and Beverly. The others were awkwardly propping themselves against a wall.

It was a few minutes of silence that Mike suddenly began to laugh. The others confusedly stared at him.

“Mikey? You okay?” Bill cautiously asked.

“Richie’s okay,” Mike began to grin. “It’s finally over. We made it. We killed _It_.”

The fact was finally sinking in and the others couldn’t help but feel joy, both at the death of the clown but also for Mike, who had never forgot and remained in the cursed town of Derry to stop Pennywise. 27 years of the waiting and horror and it was finally over.

_It_ didn’t get to have the final laugh by taking Richie after _It _already had taken Stanley from them. They won.

Their victory was finally starting to settle in, and they couldn’t help but join in with Mike’s relieved laughter. Well, all except for Eddie. His attention was still completely on Richie. He had decided that it wouldn’t be a victory until Richie was awake. 

It was only then that Eddie realised that Richie’s glasses were missing. Not that he expected the nurses to place them on his face while he slept, but it wasn’t anywhere in sight. Eddie made a mental note to go hunting for where they were placed in the hospital later.

As Eddie watched Richie, he had discovered something he hadn’t noticed before. Richie’s eyelashes were unexpectantly long. It was an odd fact, but it also led for him to realise something else. Richie’s eyes were beginning to twitch.

“Guys.” Eddie whispered, his eyes remaining on Richie.

The small chatter around them came to a halt. They looked over to Eddie whom in turn was looking at Richie.

Richie’s eyes were opening…. to a certain extent. It looked like he was squinting, which he very well could’ve been due to the fluorescent lights of the hospital room and the absence of his glasses, but no one knew for sure.

Beverly was the first of the Losers to react as the others stared in shock.

“Hey sweetie, it’s Bev,” Beverly pushed the hair out of his face. “All of us are here. You’re in the hospital.”

Richie noticeably tensed, but it wasn’t because of Beverly’s touch. However, she did move her hand from his hair to his arm thinking that it was. It took Richie a moment to moisten his dry lips as he attempted to speak.

“E..Eds,” Richie’s voice was terribly hoarse. “Is…is Eddie okay?”

After hearing that, Eddie couldn’t help but feel an unfamiliar warm tinge growing in his stomach amongst the guilt.

Beverly caressed his arm with her thumb.

“He’s okay, honey,” she smiled, as Richie began to relax. “We all are.”

And just like that, Richie shut his eyes and was out again, but this time he looked more at peace. It was like by knowing everyone was okay, that he could finally rest easy. At least, for the moment.

Eddie couldn’t believe it.

Barely half conscious and that was what Richie had first asked? That _he_ was okay specifically?

No one commented on it. Eddie couldn’t tell whether it was because the others didn’t think much of it or they did but didn’t dare to say anything about it. Regardless, it was one of the last things on Eddie’s mind.

Eddie swallowed a nervous lump in his throat. He barely noticed how his heart had fluttered, but that was no surprise. It was easy to ignore because it had happened a lot since returning to Derry. He thought it had sourced from his fear, but feeling it once more in that moment, Eddie couldn’t help but question if it was ever fear at all.

* * *

They took turns in pairs leaving the hospital to go back to the Inn to get themselves cleaned up. Whilst Pennywise was gone and they were finally celebrating their victory, no one felt safe enough to go alone or to leave Richie unsupervised. No one doubted that they wouldn’t feel safe for a while, not after everything that happened the past few days.

They all had half expected Eddie to want to be the first one to head back to the Inn, claiming it about all the germs that the filth of _It_’s lair would have harboured. It was the opposite. Eddie remained quiet and was the last to go back and shower and that was only after some coaxing from Ben who took him back even though he had just gotten back with Beverly.

Eddie was barely ten minutes in the shower. He didn’t allow himself to relish in the fact how nice it felt to finally cleanse the filth off. In fact, he didn’t give it too much thought. All he was thinking was that he needed to be as quick as he could to get back to the hospital and back to Richie.

Ben had attempted to make small talk on the car ride back.

“How are you holding up, Eddie?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, after everything you seem…” Ben paused to think of a good way to phrase it. “…quiet.”

Eddie stared out the window.

“I’m just worried about Richie.”

Ben knew that there was more to it, that much was obvious. But he also knew not to push Eddie anymore on the subject. So, instead, Ben silently nodded.

Eddie didn’t want Ben to worry about him anymore, so he decided to press on a subject he knew that’d entertain them both.

“So, you and Bev-”

“What?” Ben’s ears immediately were going red. “W-Who told you that?”

“No one, but c’mon, man,” Eddie grinned. “It’s obvious! You’ve got the whole vibe going on.”

Ben swallowed, trying to play it off.

“It…It wasn’t that obvious…. was it?”

“I think it’s cute,” Eddie smiled. “You and Bev, I mean.”

Ben kept silent after that; his ears completely flushed red. Eddie laughed at the sight.

Once they returned, Eddie and Ben hadn’t missed out on anything interesting. Mike and Bill had ‘borrowed’ some more chairs for Richie’s room so they could all sit down. Other than that, it had been uneventful. Richie remained unconscious, which surprised no one. Richie needed his rest. The Loser’s talked amongst the selves making their own ways to pass the time.

Mike had even brought some card games back with him once he was cleaned up. It was almost like their clubhouse days all over again.

They were playing an innocent game of go-fish when Eddie jolted at the feeling of his phone vibrating in his pocket. He barely remembered grabbing it when he returned to the Inn.

He pulled out his phone. The caller id immediately recognised the number.

_Myra_

It took him to remember that it was the name of his wife. So much had happened those few days and quite honestly, past when he spoke about her to the Losers, he hadn’t thought about her.

Which itself was a sign of what he hadn’t wanted to admit. 

Truth be told of what Eddie hadn’t told the other Losers, was when he had left for Derry, he hadn’t left on the greatest terms with his wife. Myra had been hysterical, and that was putting that nicely.

Without even realising it until after he had gotten to Derry, Eddie had packed his things like he hadn’t intended on going back.

On his screen it had nearing to the 80th time she had tried to ring him in the past three days. And that didn’t include the number of texts.

Eddie knew that marriage was meant to be something decided with no doubts in mind. But truth be told, Eddie was quite ambivalent about proposing to her. Something had always held him back from making that decision, but he never knew what. His mother on the other hand had been encouraging it from day one. Eddie eventually resigned to it, despite his hesitation.

Every day he had attempted to convince himself it was the right choice and that part of him that held him back was to be ignored.

Eddie never knew what was holding him back until he returned to Derry. 

It could be chalked up to a few things, but the two most important things were his memories and his friends.

Eddie glanced back over Richie. A look of determination dawned over his face. He knew what he needed to do.

“I’ll be back.” Eddie muttered, hastily excusing himself from the room. He walked all the way outside before he answered, placing the phone to his ear.

“Myra.”

_“Eddie! You finally picked up! Do you have any idea how worried I have been!?”_

“Myra, we need to talk.”

She ignored him and kept ranting.

_“I can’t believe you just got up and left the way you did, leaving me all alone! Please tell me you’ve at least been on your medication. You know how you get if you don’t take your -”_

“Myra! Just listen for a minute, please.”

She kept ignoring him.

_“- medication. You know how hopeless you are without it. I’m only reminding you because you’re so far away from home! Are you keeping up with up with your prescriptions?”_

Eddie went silent, a sick feeling in his stomach began to grow. His silence obviously struck a nerve with his wife.

_“Why aren’t you saying it back?” _she whined,_ “Eddie, are you angry with me? Why are you angry with me? I haven’t done anything wrong!”_

“I’m not – look. Please just listen to me, alright?”

There was finally quiet on the other end of the phone. Eddie tightened the grip on his phone. He was about to change his life for good.

“I think we should get a divorce.”

There was a long silence over the phone. Eddie honestly hadn’t been wanting to become one of those people that break up with someone over the phone, but he didn’t want to pretend it wasn’t coming when it was.

It seemed like forever before Myra finally spoke once again.

_“Eddie-Bear, that’s not funny.”_

“I’m not joking.”

There was more silence.

_“You’re cheating on me, aren’t you!?” _Myra spat_. “Is that why you left!? I knew this would happen! Oh God. Eddie, how could you do this to me!?”_

“What we have isn’t healthy, Myra. We both know it.”

_ “You’re being ridiculous! I know we’ve had our problems, but it’s nothing we can’t fix! I need you, Eddie!”_

And in that moment Eddie felt like he was confronting his mother all over again, as he did before they had gone to rescue Beverly all those years ago. Eddie swallowed the lump forming in his throat.

“But you don’t need me,” he told her. “You never have.”

Myra was left speechless for a good moment, trying to think of anything she could to make Eddie stay.

_“But Eddie, I’m…uh, I’m pregnant! We’re going to have a baby!”_

And immediately, Eddie knew it was a lie. There was no hesitation of panic shooting through him. He knew that without a single doubt that it was a statement born out of desperation; a lie.

“Myra, I know that’s bullshit.”

She deflected Eddie’s statement with one of her own.

_ “You never answered my question if you’re cheating on me.”_

Eddie was taken aback. “What?”

_“How could you do this to me!? You left to go running off with another woman, didn’t you!?”_

“Myra, this is exactly my point!” Eddie snapped. “You always keep assuming things, and you make me think things that I……. Myra, please. I know you’re not a bad person. But you and I, we…. we never should’ve gotten married, and you know it.”

Eddie thought that perhaps he had been too kind with his words towards Myra, but truthfully, he also had felt no resentment towards her despite how she’d act and he didn’t want to hurt her. But he knew he had to tell her the truth.

_“What are you trying to say Eddie?”_ Myra asked, even though she already knew the answer.

“I….. I don’t love you, Myra.”

And that was the truth. The truth Eddie felt horrible for admitting. He may have loved her once, but he never loved her in the way that she wanted or had hoped. Honestly speaking, Eddie wasn’t sure if he knew what a real and healthy love was like. He stayed with Myra because she was familiar. She was like his overbearing mother.

And Eddie knew that deep down Myra knew that to be the truth for years, but she just hadn’t wanted to admit it.

Myra was silent for much longer than before. That’s when Eddie knew that she had finally let his words sink in. Eddie began to hear sobbing on the other end of the phone.

_“No one will love you as much as I do, Eddie, you know that. Please, sweetie, just come home. Don’t do this to me.”_

It would’ve been familiar and safe to go back. To pretend like the past few days in Derry never happened. To forget all over again. To keep leaving his life exactly the way it had been.

But Richie’s words to him kept echoing in his head.

_‘You’re braver than you think.’_

In that moment he knew that even if it all frightened him, he never wanted to forget again.

“I promise that we will talk about this in person when I pick up my things, but you have to know that it’s over between us. Goodbye Myra.

_“Eddie-Bear, I swear if you hang up this phone, I’ll-“_

** _Beep._ **

Eddie couldn’t believe what he had just done. It was unbelievable by his standards. But he found himself not caring as he blocked Myra’s number and put his phone on silent, shoving it back into his pocket.

He stared down at his left hand where the wedding band remained on his finger. Eddie pulled off the ring, staring down at it.

For years he had lived in constant anxiety about his life. Hell, he was a risk analyst for a reason, but for once in his life he did something, damning the consequences.

Eddie used all his might to throw the ring as far as he could away from him, aiming for the makeshift garden that the hospital had near its parking lot.

He knew that practically he should’ve kept the ring to pawn off or something along those lines, but honestly, he didn’t care.

Because never in almost thirty years had Eddie felt freer.

* * *

“I’m getting a divorce!” Eddie announced with a gigantic smile.

Bill, who had been drinking water at the time, had it spray out of his nose. The abruptness of the statement threw them all off guard. Mike and Ben stared in shock while Beverly shot him a meaningful look. Eddie smiled in return. A silent kindred understanding was between the two. Whilst their situations varied, the fact remained that they were both in unhealthy marriages.

“I’m proud of you.” she told him.

The others followed suit with words of support and despite the seemingly negative words of the news, Eddie couldn’t help but smile. The Losers were his true family. Even after 27 years and evil space clown induced amnesia, they were still the people that loved and supported him.

Eddie didn’t admit it aloud, but he felt somewhat nervous at what Richie would say about the news once he would wake up. It felt a little irrational to feel nervous, but Eddie couldn’t say that he exactly put a lot of thought into the fact.

The thought continued to slip away as Richie remained asleep. Hours passed like minutes as they continued to wait for Richie to wake up.

Upon every hour an elderly nurse would come and check Richie’s vitals. She had a kind grandmotherly vibe coming from her which was a very rare find in Derry of all places. Her worn out name badge had ‘Greta’ written on it. It was during her first check up that she brought back Richie’s glasses as the doctor had taken them away from Richie for surgery and had neglected to return. She placed the glasses by the bedside table, so they were waiting for Richie for when he awoke.

She had also insisted to the Losers that they shouldn’t worry and that Richie being still unconscious after everything was perfectly normal after what he had been through. It didn’t bring the Losers very much ease, but they still appreciated the effort.

It seemed that they had barely started to play a game of Uno when they heard Richie’s nurse, Greta, knock on the door.

“I’m sorry to interrupt but visiting hours are almost over. I’m afraid you’ll have to come back in the morning.”

“But aren’t visiting hours until 8 o’clock?” Mike asked.

“Yes, they are. 8 o’clock in the morning and 8 o’clock at night, but look,” She pointed to the clock. “See.”

They were all shocked to see that it was five minutes before 8 o’clock. Without even realising it the day had become night. Ben frowned.

“Please, can’t we just stay a little while longer?” Ben asked.

The nurse, Greta, hesitated, but suddenly her eyes went scanning the room. They all had the same puppy dog look in their eyes. Her eyes were filled with sympathy as she sighed.

“Rules are rules, but I know you’ve all been through quite an…” she paused for a moment. “…ordeal, so, while the hospital here in Derry is very restrictive on this, we still do allow one person be it family or friend to stay with a patient for some exceptions. My shifts almost over, but I’ll pull some strings so one of you will be allowed to stay through the night. But the others will just have to wait until tomorrow morning’s visiting hours.”

“Thank you,” Bill said. “I mean it, thank you.”

Greta smiled and took her leave. They all liked Greta. It was good to know that there were still some good people in a place like Derry.

“So, how’s this going to work?” Eddie asked. “Are we going to pull straws or something?”

The Loser’s collectively looked at each other before looking back at Eddie. Under their gaze, Eddie couldn’t help but begin to feel uncomfortable.

Had he said something wrong?

Mike suddenly walked over and gave his shoulder a reaffirming squeeze with a smile before silently leaving the room. The others began to do the same. Eddie’s eyes widened and he hastily stood up.

“Wait. Guys, where are you going?”

Bill, being the last one at the door, turned back to Eddie.

“If he wakes up, call us. We’ll see you in the morning.”

“But I don’t think I…” Eddie stammered. “..I don’t think it should be me.”

“He’s in good hands with you, and we all know that,” Bill reassured. “Trust me, Eddie. It needs to be you.”

Eddie honestly didn’t know how to respond back to that. He still hadn’t even after they had all left. And just like that Eddie was left alone with Richie for the first time. He awkwardly and stiffly sat back down in the seat beside Richie’s bed.

From the window, Eddie hadn’t noticed that Bill had paused, watching as Eddie as he gazed down at Richie. It was the way Eddie was looking at Richie that made Bill stop and stare. Bill recognised the look in his eyes. It was a look that no one could fake.

Maybe he was mistaken, or maybe he wasn’t. All Bill knew is that Eddie suddenly announcing his divorce and Richie surviving a near-death experience all happened in one day.

Bill curiously hummed to himself before finally leaving.

Eddie’s hands were tensely folded, lying on his lap. He stayed like that for a while before deciding to watch some bad quality television on the tiny tv in the corner of the room. Eddie muted the volume and turned on the subtitles, so he didn’t disturb anyone. Whilst he had wanted Richie to wake up, it was just on habit that he wanted to keep quiet at night.

The new nightshift nurse came in to check on Richie. She forced a smile seeing Eddie. He did his best to awkwardly return it. She seemed shyer than Greta. She quietly went about checking what she needed to. Eddie hadn’t been paying all that much attention until suddenly, her eyebrows furrowed, and she let out a disappointed hum.

“What is it?” Eddie panicked. “What’s wrong?”

The nurse jolted as if suddenly remembering that he was there, immediately shook her head.

“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about! He’s sweating even though his temperature is a degree lower from when he was last checked. It’s nothing that another blanket won’t fix.”

The nurse grabbed a blanket from a cabinet and gently placed it over Richie. Eddie watched her carefully as she did it. Eddie couldn’t say that he was surprised that Richie was seemingly too cold in the room. The hospital had horribly thin blankets, even for a regular hospital. Eddie looked to Richie’s forehead. It wasn’t too noticeable at a first glance, but Richie was as the nurse had said, sweating.

“Why do you think he’s sweating like this? Pain?”

She shook her head.

“I don’t think so. I think it’s caused from whatever is going on in his head after everything. The mind can be a scary place.”

“You think it’s nightmares?”

“I can’t say for sure, but I also wouldn’t be surprised,” she frowned. “You sleep that much, not all the sleep will be dreamless.”

“Is there anything that you can do?”

“Me? No. But you, maybe. You should try talking to him. Hearing a familiar voice talking to him might help.”

With that, she left the room, leaving Eddie alone with his thoughts.

“Talk to him,” Eddie repeated to himself.

It was a simple task, but for Eddie it was a lot harder than it seemed. It wasn’t because he was at a loss of words, it was more of the fact that he and Richie had always spoke in a way where anything truly meaningful was hidden behind sarcastic remarks and banter. So, Eddie thought he’d try and start with that.

“You better wake up soon, asshole,” Eddie’s words held no bite. “You’re worrying everyone.” _You’re worrying me. _

Richie didn’t respond, not that Eddie had expected that he would. Eddie felt his guard melt down. Maybe it would be alright, even for just a moment, to be truly sincere.

It was then that Eddie did something he knew he could never do if Richie were awake because he barely knew why he was doing it himself. Eddie slowly slid his hand down into Richie’s.

Eddie had expected Richie’s hands to be cold enough to make his skin crawl, but that wasn’t the case. Richie’s hands were surprisingly warm.

The thought of holding Richie’s hand felt a little odd, but what was stranger was when he was doing it, Eddie had never felt more at ease. But Richie seemed to always have that effect on him.

Eddie gently squeezed Richie’s hand.

“I’m here,” he told him. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Eddie chalked it up to his imagination, but he could’ve sworn that he felt Richie’s fingers curl around his own.

* * *

He was drowning….no, not drowning.

It felt like floating just under the surface of water, unable to break through for air. The dark waters kept weighing him down while something like small echoes of memories were beckoning him break free to the surface.

_Pennywise._

_Blood._

_Darkness._

He sunk further down.

He couldn’t fight it. He was too cold. Too tired. 

The weight kept pulling him down like an unyielding tide thrashing over him. It was like being stuck in the middle of the ocean during a storm. Tide after tide, it didn’t allow him to breathe.

And further down he sunk, until he felt something new.

He felt warmth. It started from his hand and travelled through the rest of him like a fire.

Then suddenly the water that kept him down stilled. A voice in the dark silenced the water that kept him down.

** _“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”_ **

_….. Eddie?_

Suddenly, it was like there was no weight at all.

_EDDIE!_

Richie jolted awake with a gasp.

His first instinct was to panic. All he remembered feeling at first was terror. Richie’s memories took their time slowly piecing themselves back together.

Pennywise. The lair. Eddie being killed – wait, no. That’s not what happened. Richie stopped it. The two timelines he remembered were warping together.

Eddie was killed. One week later he was standing by the kissing bridge. Five minutes after that he had been back in the cistern. He protected Eddie from _It_.

Richie squinted his eyes. The place around him was too bright – or at least, too bright to be back deep in the sewers under the Neibolt house. He looked down. He was in a bed and wearing a….. gown? Was he in a hospital?

Well, if he were in a hospital that’d explain why he felt numb all over instead of being in incredible pain. Richie attempted to look to his side and froze. He couldn’t see who the blob was, but it looked a lot like Eddie, but he couldn’t tell for sure.

Richie’s head snapped to the other side of him. He saw the vague outline of a bedside table to his right and sitting on top of it was a black blob. Richie hoped they were his glasses. Tracing his fingers over the shape, he quickly realised that he was right, and that they were his glasses.

His mobility was still sloppy. It took a few tries to sit the glasses comfortably on his face. He once again went to look at the blob-person.

With his vision clear, he could see that it was Eddie and he was fast asleep. His head was bowed down with his arms folded across his chest as he softly snored. It didn’t look very comfortable, but Eddie’s expression looked like he was in complete ease.

Richie took it all in. Eddie’s cheek was properly stitched up. He was also cleaned up from the grime and filth that Richie remembered last seeing him in. Eddie was clearly breathing, something that Richie hadn’t dared to hope again. Did he really change fate?

_It can’t be real_, Richie thought to himself. _This wasn’t meant to end with a happy ending._

Richie attempted to speak, but all that came out of him was a cough. His throat was so dry. Eddie suddenly let out a slightly louder snore.

_This must be a dream. _

Eddie’s eyes began to twitch, ready to open.

_I died back in that cave. This isn’t real. _

After taking a moment to wake, Eddie’s eyes met Richie’s and they stared at each other. Eddie had the biggest smile grow on his face.

“Holy shit! Richie! You’re awake!”

Richie felt tears welling up in his eyes.

“Eddie.” He whispered.

At first, Eddie hesitated, but it quickly morphed away as he hastily yet gently wrapped his arms around Richie. Eddie was careful to avoid the IV connected to Richie’s arm.

Richie slowly raised his arm to return the embrace. Only Eddie would quickly go to hug someone, only to make it the softest of hugs at the same time. He shut his eyes, taking in the moment. While Richie knew in his heart that what he was experiencing was real, on the slim chance that it was all some a sick illusion or dream, Richie still wanted to imprint the moment in his mind.

“You’re an asshole.” Such words would be offensive if it hadn’t come from a sniffling Eddie.

“Are you crying?” Richie croaked.

It was a miracle that Eddie had understood him at all. Eddie pulled away sooner than Richie had hoped, but he hid his disappointment well.

“No.” Eddie sniffed again. He wasn’t lying. He wasn’t crying, but he was however very close to it.

Richie didn’t like seeing that look on his face. He attempted to say something to comfort the other, but the words morphed into another dry cough.

Eddie completely disregarded his near tears like it never happened. He clicked down at the call nurse button before he grabbed a cup of water with a plastic straw nearby.

“You want some water?”

Richie nodded. Eddie guided the straw to Richie, and he took long gulps of the water. Never had room temperature water tasted so good. As Richie was just about done with the water, a nurse popped her head into the room. She saw Richie was awake and said something about getting a doctor.

Being left alone once more with Eddie, Richie attempted to clear his throat.

“What happened?” His voice was still a little gravelly, but it was still a vast improvement from what it had been.

“Well, what do you remember?” Eddie hated to answer the question with another question, but it was a matter of where to begin.

Richie leaned back into his pillow and he shut his eyes.

“_It_ got me. Then I remember being carried out by Ben, and then…. I don’t know.”

“That sounds about right,” Eddie mumbled. “After we killed…. _It_, the entire water way and the house on Neibolt came crashing down. We made it out just in time. We rushed you here to the hospital. You needed multiple blood transfusions and surgery. You almost died, Richie.”

Richie noticed that Eddie was staring right into the floor. His eyes anywhere but Richie.

“None of this is your fault, Eds.” Richie had never sounded more serious.

Eddie eyes darted back to Richie. He hadn’t mentioned anything, but Richie knew right away what was eating at him.

“Don’t call me that.” Eddie tried to sound like he had bite, but it sounded far too soft for that. It also didn’t help that he had a ghost of a smile hovering over his face.

“Ah, Mr Tozier, you’re awake!” The doctor strolled in, interrupting the moment. “I’m Dr Simins, your head doctor.”

“What’s up, doc?” Richie smiled at his fail of an impression of a certain cartoon rabbit.

Eddie rolled his eyes. Conscious for less than five minutes and Richie proved that he was still….well, Richie.

“I’ll just have to go through some procedural things with you, so bear with me,” The doctor grabbed a pen to write on his clip board. “So, Mr Tozier, do you remember what happened to you?”

“An alien spider clown impaled me with its leg.”

The doctor paused for a moment before he laughed.

“Good to see your sense of humour is intact.”

Eddie pretended to laugh alongside the doctor, but it was to cover up his face cringing at the mention of what really happened. Only Richie would joke about the truth that’d probably get him sent to a psychiatrist.

“Seriously though, I don’t remember much.” Richie lied. Even though he was slightly incoherent, Richie knew that the others wouldn’t have told anyone the truth of what happened.

“You were impaled and lost a lot of blood. We had to undergo an emergency skin grafting surgery to cover your wound,” Dr Simins walked over and flicked through Richie’s charts. “There seems to be no complications so far, but we won’t know until a few more days. Are you in any pain, Mr Tozier?”

Richie had to think about it for a moment. He was slightly distracted over the fact that Eddie was so seemingly disinterested in the conversation as he was on his phone.

“Uh, not really. It’s kind of more like a numb pain right now.”

Dr Simins nodded.

“That’s better than I hoped. We’ll do our best to make sure you’re comfortable for now. You’ve been unconscious for a whole day.”

Richie blinked. “Really?”

“Yes, but that’s to be expected. You need your rest. Deep breath in, please.”

Richie did as he was told but continued to ask his questions.

“How long until I can get out of here, doc?”

Dr Simins went to check Richie’s blood pressure but spoke as he continued the routine run down.

“You were as close to death’s door as a person can get, Mr Tozier. The recovery process will take time. I would like to keep you here until we know that the skin graft is healing properly which won’t be 1 to 2 weeks by our normal protocol.”

“Not any sooner?” Richie whined. “No offense, doc, but I want to get out of Derry asap.”

“I wouldn’t recommend it, no. But if you are _that_ desperate to get out, and it is healing well, I would say maybe four to five more days. But that is if and only if it is healing and you’re are strong enough. And even after you leave here, you'll need to be very careful. You’ll need to avoid doing any activities that could stretch or injure the graft. But we can give you more of rundown of the out of hospital care when we do get to that point.”

Richie opened his mouth to retort a remark more than likely about sex, but after seeing the stern look from Eddie who had finally gotten off his phone, he opted not to.

“Okay. Thanks doc.”

“At this point, you’re doing reasonably well. You might even be able to give eating a try if you’re not feeling too nauseous.”

“I do love that hospital grade jello.” Richie remarked.

Dr Simins laughed once more. It was a little ironic at the doctor was laughing when Richie was telling him the truth. Richie really did get impaled by a demonic spider clown and Richie did in fact enjoy any type of jello.

“I’ll be back in a few hours to check on you. If you have any more questions don’t hesitate to ask me or any of the nurses.”

Richie nodded and Dr Simins left, Eddie’s judging gaze still on him as he left the room. So easily the doctor was ready to give up on Richie. And for that reason alone, Eddie couldn’t help but think that Dr Simins was a complete dickhead. But on the other hand, he still saved Richie’s life, so he had decided that he would tolerate him.

Once the two were alone, Richie saw Eddie’s intense expression.

“Is the doctor not interesting enough for you?” Richie attempted to lighten the mood. “I’m surprised you didn’t jump in with your own expertise Dr K or were you just on web M.D that whole time?”

Eddie smiled. He couldn’t even bring himself to pretend that he was annoyed. He missed Richie’s sarcasm.

“If you must know, I was texting the others that your ass is awake. They’ll be here soon.”

It was all oddly good timing. Richie had woken up fifteen minutes before visiting hours would start up again. When Eddie texted the others, the Losers were about to leave the Inn, ready to be let in as soon as the time hit 8’clock.

“Wait, why weren’t the others here?” Richie hadn’t honestly thought to why it was only Eddie with him.

“They had to go back to the Inn,” Eddie didn’t know why he felt nervous suddenly. “The hospital said they would only let one of us stay, so I did.”

Richie felt affection surge through him, but as soon as the feeling arose, he buried such feelings back down deep within himself. Richie didn’t want to humour himself.

“Thanks, Eds.”

Eddie decided to let the nickname slip that time and he instead smiled back at his old friend. It was seeing Richie finally awake and talking that Eddie couldn’t help but be reminded of what had happened.

The blood. The panic. The lazy attempt on bandaging his side in the car ride to the hospital. It was something that Eddie never wanted to experience again.

Richie suddenly began to lazily blink. Eddie felt his heart jolt with panic.

“Hey, stay awake.” He softly shook Richie by the shoulder.

“I’m awake,” Richie reassured as he rubbed at his eyes. “I just trying to get used to the lights again. It’s pretty bright in here.”

“Does it hurt to look at bright lights?” Eddie asked, slowly going to stand up. “You might have a concussion. Do I need to go get Dr Simins?”

Richie grabbed Eddie’s wrist.

“Hey, Eddie, it’s fine. I’m good, really. It’ll just take a minute. I didn’t mean to freak you out.”

Speaking honestly, Richie felt exhausted enough to go back to sleep, but he fought against it. He had just woken up and he was getting the chance to talk with Eddie. He didn’t want to waste such precious time by sleeping.

Eddie slowly lowered himself back into the chair.

“Okay.” Something akin to relief began to settle the panic that sat in the pit of Eddie’s stomach.

Not that Eddie would ever admit to it, but whenever Richie would say something to him seriously, it was like Eddie would suddenly feel that everything would be okay.

Suddenly his memory beckoned a certain memory to return to him. The last thing Richie had tried to say to him.

_“Eds, I’ve always…. I …”_

Eddie couldn’t help but feel the call of curiosity.

“Hey, you probably don’t remember, but you were trying to tell me something before you passed out yesterday.”

Richie eyebrows furrowed.

“I did?”

“Yeah,” Eddie didn’t know why he felt disappointed. “Something about that you’ve always…did something? I don’t know. You never got to finish.”

Richie was silent for a moment, obviously trying to think back on what happened. Richie didn’t have to think too long about it before his eyes widened and he breathed out a very quiet ‘oh’. It came back to him. Whilst his memory was in pieces, and Richie only had fragments to go by, he knew what he was going to say to Eddie. It was what he had wanted to say but never said.

Richie felt like his stomach dropped, realising that he had almost confessed to Eddie. Richie’s face remained frozen in a panicked expression.

Eddie’s head tilted to the side at the sight.

Richie opened his mouth to say something, but before either could say anything more, they heard a commotion approaching Richie’s room.

And before they knew it, the others were at the door with Beverly barging in first.

“Richie!” Beverly practically skipped over and placed a chaste kiss on Richie’s forehead.

The others all got their turn to hug Richie. Ben hugged him the longest.

While Richie was a comedian, it was strange to see such genuine smiles on peoples faces that were around him. With that thought in mind, Richie made a mental note to start going back to writing his new material.

“You okay there, Haystack?” Richie asked, finally getting Ben to let go.

“Sorry Richie, it’s just…. it’s just really good to see you awake again, man,” Ben sighed. “There was so much blood. I’m just glad that you held on long enough to get that skin graft.”

Beverly walked over to Ben, rubbing a comforting hand along his arm. Without thinking, Ben then wrapped the arm around her waist.

Richie saw it all unfold.

_Wait……WAIT!_

He felt a lightbulb go off in his head.

“Well it’s about fucking time!” Richie happily exclaimed.

Eddie couldn’t help but smile at the exchange. The couple looked obviously embarrassed as Richie began to bombard them with questions.

“I’m out for one day and the two of you are a thing? What the fuck? Were you planning on telling me, or was that random arm hold the announcement? C’mon spill the details!”

Bill and Mike and even begun stifling with laughter. They all honestly felt like middle school kids once again with all the ‘drama’.

“January embers.” Ben took Beverly’s hand into his own, lovingly gazing at her.

“My heart burns there too.” She squeezed his hand back looking back at him with the same intensity.

“I’m sure that was super meaningful, but I have no idea what the fuck that means,” Richie got a good chuckle out of Mike from that one. “Those walls at the Inn are pretty thin. You didn’t disturb the neighbours last night, did you?”

“_Beep Beep_, Richie.” Ben shook his head as Beverly too sighed.

Richie glanced over at Bill, who behind Ben, slowly and awkwardly nodded, confirming the answer to the question.

Richie started laughing, but immediately stopped as he felt a sharp pain run up him from his side.

“Woah, you okay?” Eddie asked, his hands hovering nearby, ready to assist if needed.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Richie had to breath in and out a few times to calm the fiery pain. “I probably shouldn’t move around too much.”

“You think?” Eddie sassed. “The less you move the better the skin grafts will heal.”

Mike nodded.

“He’s right. You shouldn’t try to mess with that.”

“Wait, so where did they get the skin for the grafts?” Richie’s hand ghosted over his wound. “Don’t they take skin from another place on the body for that?”

Mike was the one to explain it to Richie when everyone else snorted like children over it.

“They took skin out of your ass, Rich.”

“Great. Love that.” Richie sarcastically remarked.

“Wait, so you’re telling us that you haven’t tried to look at it yet?” Bill asked.

At that, Richie immediately lifted the blanket and peered down the hospital gown. He picked at the bandage enough to see what the skin graft looked like. Richie grimaced at the sight, dropping the bandage. In short, it wasn’t a pretty sight. Richie was glad that he was on enough pain killers that he couldn’t feel it.

“Well, there goes my hot bikini bod,” Richie pretended to frown. “What will I do during my summer’s now?”

They all went quiet at that. While Richie had tried to make it a joke, it just didn’t sit well with them. Richie had almost died less than a day ago. It was still sinking in.

In fact, Richie still hadn’t let all the events sink in for him either. He had saved Eddie from a fate that he had to witness and live through. Nothing made sense.

But what he did know is that during his ‘second’ time against _It_, Richie wasn’t involved with killing _It_. He needed to know what happened as he was side lined.

“_It_’s really gone then?” Richie asked.

All was quiet until Mike patted Richie’s leg.

“Yeah, _It’_s dead. We crushed _It_’s heart.”

Richie let out a large sigh of relief, sinking back into his bed. They did it exactly like last time…. or like he had seen but didn’t happen? He didn’t know which was which and thinking about it just made his brain hurt.

“Life’s work is finally over then, huh Mikey?” Richie smirked. “Who knew that bullying the clown to death would work.”

Mike blinked for a moment and thought about what Richie had just said.

“Technically,” Mike’s eyes began to widen. “You did, Richie.”

Richie’s head perked back up.

“Come again?”

“You knew,” Mike felt it all coming together. “You told us how to kill _It_. To make it small. How did you know?”

All eyes were on Richie. All were looks of confusion. The only exception was Beverly. She looked at Richie with empathy in her eyes. She knew something that they didn’t.

“I need to speak to Richie for a few minutes,” Beverly announced. “Alone.”

She stared at Ben. A silent conversation happened between the two. It took Ben a moment to realise what she was getting at.

“Oh,” Ben didn’t mean to say that first part aloud. “Let’s go get coffee. There’s a café around the corner of the hospital. Come on.”

Eddie was about to object but he knew after what Beverly had told him yesterday, talking to Richie about it wasn’t a surprise. Reluctantly the others left.

Once they were alone, Beverly placed her hand over Richie’s.

“Richie, you saw Eddie die, didn’t you? In the deadlights?”

He immediately stiffened and he slowly turned to face Beverly. That’s when it dawned on Richie why Beverly knew. She had seen their deaths before.

“You saw it too?”

She bit her lip.

“It was never a clear image. It was only after what happened to you that I realised what it really was. I’m so sorry. You and Eddie almost died. I wish I knew-”

“It’s not your fault, Bev,” Richie squeezed her hand. “The stupid fucking clown is to blame, and hey, it all worked out in the end.”

She finally cracked a smile which Richie had been hoping to see.

“Yeah, I guess it did,” Beverly agreed. “But for what it’s worth, I’m so glad you’re okay, Richie. You almost slipped away on us.”

“You can’t get rid of me that easily,” Richie smirked.

Beverly’s smile began to fade.

“But what I don’t get is how did you know about how to kill _It_. I only ever saw your deaths.”

Richie started to feel his side slightly throb in pain. A hand instinctively moved over to it, softly rubbing over it to try and soothe it.

He knew that Beverly was the only person that’d at least somewhat understand what happened. Richie told her the truth.

“When I was stuck in those deadlights, I don’t know, for me it was….. different. I lived…felt…saw? I don’t fucking know. All I know is that I lived a whole week after Eddie died and we killed _It_.”

Beverly’s mouth went agape.

“What?”

“I don’t know,” Richie shrugged. “One minute I’m on the kissing bridge, the next I’m falling on my ass back in that cavern.”

Beverly was quiet for a moment, thinking about it all. Some things just didn’t make sense.

“But why would the deadlights show you how to kill _It_?” Beverly asked.

“To fuck with us?” Richie suggested, but honestly, he didn’t know the answer either. 

Beverly leaned forward, a light glimmering in her eyes. An idea was forming in her mind.

“I know this sounds crazy, but what if it wasn’t the deadlights.”

“What?”

“Crazier stuff has happened,” Beverly shrugged. “What if it was something else that sent you back here?”

“Well, if it’s another murderous space shapeshifter, I swear-”

“Not like that,” Beverly glanced over at the clock. “What if what you saw really happened, and you were sent back to change it?”

“Like time travel?”

Beverly shook her head.

“Like a second chance,”

Richie was thrown off guard.

A second chance. A literal redo of a single moment in time that ended up saving a life. Something like those only existed in movies and books, it couldn’t be real. And yet, Eddie was alive.

“Maybe it was a part of the deadlights, maybe not. We might never know,” Beverly began to smile. “But I guess what we both know is that you were meant to save Eddie yesterday.”

“That’s a nice thought.” Richie admitted, his eyes began to feel heavy once more.

Beverly saw Richie struggling.

“You know you can sleep whenever you want, right?”

Richie shook his head.

“I’ve slept enough.” Richie didn’t have to say that he felt guilty for being unconscious for so long.

“We’re all still going to be here when you wake up,” She kindly pulled the glasses off from his face. “The best thing you can do is rest to get better.”

Beverly’s presence was always so soothing. That still hadn’t changed from their years apart. Richie did truly adore her.

With Beverly stroking his hair, it was almost impossible not to be sucked away into the abyss of sleep.

* * *

Richie felt so much better after that nap, or at least, he hoped it had been a nap. He didn’t want to wake up and hear that another day had passed.

He saw a hand in front of him holding his glasses out in front of him. Richie mumbled his thanks and went to look at who was sitting next to him.

It was Bill.

“Good afternoon,” Bill greeted. “And before you ask, you’ve only been asleep for a few hours. It’s only 12 o’clock.”

Richie groaned.

“I didn’t mean to fall back asleep. Blame Bev.”

Bill laughed.

“More like we should be thanking her. You need your rest.”

Richie rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

“So, I’ve been told.” Richie grumbled.

It was then that he realised that Bill was the only one in the room with them.

“Where is everyone?”

“They just went out to get lunch in the cafeteria down the hall about five minutes ago. I decided to stay back with you just in case you woke up. Eddie wanted to stay but he hasn’t eaten since yesterday. We had to kick him out.”

“Why hasn’t Eddie eaten?” Richie couldn’t help but sound worried.

“After your surgery he hasn’t left your side,” Bill admitted. “I think you scared him the most.”

“I know.” Richie whispered.

While he felt bad about it, he still preferred it over the alternative. Richie decided to change the subject to something he had noticed when they spoke before his talk with Beverly.

“You haven’t been stuttering,” Richie pointed out. “Is it still coming and going?”

Bill leant back in his chair.

“No, at least, I don’t think so. Back with _It_ I …. I finally faced some stuff I’d been burying down. About Georgie,” Bill folded his arms, almost hugging himself. “After I finally faced that fear, I haven’t stuttered since. I can’t explain it.”

“I’m proud of you, Big Bill.” Richie shot him a tired smile.

“Thanks, Rich.”

If Richie were being honest with himself, he was a little envious of Bill.

Bill had always been brave, which was something that Richie had struggled with his whole life. Sure, Richie could bravely stand up to a giant clown monster, but that was because a clown wasn’t what he feared most.

For Bill, it was facing and accepting what happened to his little brother, Georgie.

For Richie, his true deep fear was the part of himself that he kept hidden deep down within. A secret that he never dared to speak of. With and without memories, the fear had bound his secret, locked and chained away.

But almost dying had a certain way of changing one’s perspective on things. While Richie feared what would happen if he spoke about it, he was more scared of what his life would end up if he didn’t tell the people in his life.

For the first time in his entire life, Richie wanted to be braver than the fear from the secret he kept. He didn’t want it to control him forever because that’s exactly what Pennywise would’ve wanted.

_Fuck the clown. Fuck the clown. Fuck the clown. _

“Bill.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re still one of my best friends. So, I’m about to tell you something I have never told anyone.”

Richie’s sudden intensity was almost scaring Bill.

“…. Okay?”

“I’m... I’m… I’m g-…ga-…” The words felt like it kept getting stuck in his throat. Fear was holding him down. The same fear that Pennywise had used against him. The same fear that had haunted him for almost thirty years.

But if anything was stronger than his deep imbedded fear, it was spite.

The clown had shown him a life where Eddie had died. And _It_ had almost killed him and all those he held dear on multiple occasions. But worst of all, the clown had taken away Stan from them.

He mentally chanted to himself once more.

_Fuck the clown. Fuck the clown. Fuck the clown!_

With all the strength he had, he finally pushed the words out of his throat

“I’m gay.”

Those two words carried so much weight. It was finally out, the truth that Richie had hidden his whole life both in and out of Derry. The one thing he never allowed himself to say aloud.

The moment it slipped from his lips Richie felt his fear return attempting to consume him. He had millions of scenarios of what Bill would do or say. None were kind. However, the one which happened was one that Richie hadn’t ever imagined.

Bill was silent for a total of two seconds before he nodded with a smile.

“Okay. Cool.”

A few seconds passed and Richie couldn’t help but stare.

“Wait what?”

“What?” Bill blinked.

“That’s….” Richie didn’t know where he was going with it. “…That’s it?”

Bill lopsidedly smiled.

“What did you think I’d say?”

Richie shrugged. “I don’t know. I just thought it’d be more…. I don’t know.”

“Did you think I was…. homophobic?” Bill’s eyebrows furrowed.

“No!... Yes? I don’t know! We grew up in fucking Derry.” Richie averted his gaze away from Bill. He figured that he might as well tell him more while he was on a roll. “That’s what the clown had over me. My ‘_dirty little secret_’.”

Bill slowly placed a comforting hand on Richie’s arm causing him to look back at him.

“Richie, I’m glad you told me, but you ought to know that not me, and especially not any of the other Losers would think of you as any different because of that,” Bill gave Richie’s arm a light squeeze. “We love you, Rich. Nothing will change that. Loser’s stick together, remember? Now and always.”

Richie couldn’t hold it back anymore. Everything he had imagined in his fear came tumbling down. It came spilling down through tears.

The repression. The fear. The overwhelming relief. The newfound freedom of finally saying it.

_I’m gay._

It was all too much. Richie became a sobbing mess and Bill held Richie as he fell apart. And for a few minutes, Richie allowed himself to be comforted.

His whole life he had kept it a secret, telling no one. He figured he deserved the let down his guard, at least for a while. Richie let himself have it for one minute before he pulled himself away. Any longer would threaten his own self-image.

“Sorry, but I ought to put a break in my own self-pity party.” Richie wiped away any evidence of his tears.

Bill knew what Richie was doing. He was building up his walls again. He decided to let it slide until Richie had his pride back, but not before letting him know that it was okay.

“Don’t be sorry for being who you are, Richie. Never be sorry for that.”

It was a strange feeling for Richie. It was almost like opening a can of soda after it had been shaken up too much, so it all came spilling out at once. The whole truth came slipping from his mouth before he could stop it.

“I could never be with anyone. I got scared, and even on the rare moments when I wasn’t, I felt like something was always holding me back,” Richie had never confessed so much at once, but it just wouldn’t stop. “But being back here in Derry, it made me realise why. And it’s because I’m still in love with my first love. That I’m still not over him. Pretty pathetic, right?”

Bill slowly smiled once more.

“Well, would you look at that. Richie ‘Trashmouth’ Tozier staring in his own teen romance novel.”

“Shut up,” Richie grinned. “What if I told you, that it was you. Maybe I want to suck your di-”

“_Beep Beep_, Richie.”

Richie’s smile grew. “It’s not you, don’t worry.”

“You’re breaking my heart here, Rich,” Bill playfully remarked. “But seriously, who is it?”

Richie decided that it was enough spilling the beans for one day. He tightly attempted to keep his lips sealed.

“Nope, time to stop this teenage girl slumber party moment. That secret stays with me. I have had enough of all the sharing and caring for one day.”

Bill smirked. Pieces of what he was seeing and hearing were coming together.

“It’s Eddie, isn’t it?”

Richie flinched and kept quiet. Bill got it right in his first go. He wanted to deny it, to make sure that fact forever stayed locked away. But instead, he looked over to Bill and his eyes did all the talking for him. No words needed to be spoken for Bill get the message.

Bill smiled and gave another encouraging squeeze to Richie’s arm.

“How did you…. you know?”

Bill was silent for a few seconds. He chose to choose his words carefully.

“Just a few small things in our time back home. I mean, after all this time and you still try to protect and piss Eddie off the most. As kids it could be scrapped off as being a kid, but since we’re older now, it sticks out.”

“You’re now officially the only person to ever know about repressed little feelings.” Richie half-heartedly joked.

Bill looked down and smiled.

“I think Stan knew.”

Richie was caught off guard at that.

“What makes you say that?”

“You should’ve seen how he always rolled his eyes at you and Eddie,” Bill explained, the smile never leaving his face. “I mean, you and Eddie, the two of you were _always_ bickering. Looking back, it was totally flirting, and I think Stan noticed and thought that it’d only be a matter of time.”

“As if,” Richie snorted. “Besides, it wasn’t flirting.”

“Yes, it was.”

“Wasn’t.”

“Was.”

Richie groaned, slamming his head back into his pillow. A comfortable silence fell over the two friends.

“I miss him.” Richie confessed. Maybe he wouldn’t have said it if he weren’t so emotionally drained, but it also felt good to finally be able to talk to someone he trusted.

“Me too.” Bill whispered.

Richie couldn’t help but think of how different everything would have gone if Stan had lived and came to Derry. Out of all the Loser’s, Stanley was the one person he had been friends with longer than anyone else. They had known each other since they were four years old. Forgetting him only to remember him once again to find out he died because of an evil alien was more horrible than words could describe.

Richie then remembered the words of Stan’s letter. A letter that might only be real in his memory. He remembered what was written.

‘**_I lived my whole life afraid. Afraid of what would come next. Afraid of what I might leave behind…. D_****_on’_****_t. Be who you want to be. Be proud._ _And if you find someone worth holding onto. Never ever let them go._**’

_I’ll do it, Stan_, Richie silently promised. _I’ll be proud and I won’t ever let go._

* * *

Richie twirled his spoon around the suspiciously sloppy rice. He wouldn’t have known it was stew if the nurse hadn’t told him. Richie hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours and while he had some semblance of an appetite, it was gone the moment he laid eyes on whatever was in front of him.

The others were playing a game of pairs around Richie’s bed while they expected him to eat. Eddie was distracted the entire time, his eyes kept darting over to what Richie was doing. The others were beginning to get distracted by it too.

It wasn’t until Richie started slapping the stew with his spoon that someone decided to speak up. And that someone was Mike. 

“Richie, you need to eat something.”

“It looks like someone already did and puked it back up on this plate,” Richie tossed his spoon to the side. “Do you think this is all hospital food or do the staff here at Derry just hate me?”

“Come on, don’t be so dramatic,” Beverly cajoled. “I’m sure it isn’t _that_ bad.”

Richie looked Bev dead in the eye and stabbed his spoon into the stew. Richie let go and the spoon stayed in place.

They all collectively stared at the spoon. A few seconds ticked by and there was still no sign of it falling or budging. It just stood up, supported by the stew.

“We need to get him real food.” Eddie concluded aloud.

The others all nodded and hummed in agreement.

“Please, anything,” Richie pleaded. “A sandwich. Fruit. I don’t care. Just not anything like this slop.”

Bill suddenly felt a light bulb going off in his head.

“They have that deli open down the block. We could probably get something for Richie down there.”

“Yes!” Richie urged. “Real food.”

“I think we should all go up to the store while we’re out getting things,” Bill nonchalantly continued. “Stock up on some snacks for later too.”

Richie’s eyes narrowed at Bill. He knew he was up to something.

“That doesn’t sound too bad, actually.” Ben agreed, completely oblivious to Bill’s plan.

“Eddie, you should stay here with Richie. Keep him company. If you want anything up at the store, you can just text one of us.”

Richie quickly realised what Bill was trying to do.

_Bill, you sneaky son of a –_

“Yeah, okay,” Eddie nodded, unfazed by it all.

Beverly looked between Bill, Richie, and Eddie, then Bill again. It took her a moment, but then she began to smile.

“Come on, boys. Let’s go,” she started to push a confused Mike out the door. “We won’t be long.”

Ben followed Bill out the door and they were gone, leaving Eddie and Richie alone.

Richie barely felt like he could look Eddie in the eye. He would’ve felt far less embarrassed about it all if Bill had purposely tried to leave him alone with Eddie.

_God dammit, I feel like some lovelorn teenager._ Richie mentally groaned at himself. He was 40 years old, not some 16-year-old.

But then again, he was a forty-year-old man who had just come out for the first time, and he was left alone with the man he had been in love with since his childhood.

In the end what it all could be summed up to is that he hated Derry and he hated _It _even more for making him forget in the first place.

It was silent between the pair for a total of five seconds before Eddie abruptly broke it.

“I’m divorcing my wife.” Eddie almost sounded too excited to tell Richie. “I didn’t get the chance to tell you before. The others already know.”

Richie had to stop his mouth from going agape.

_Be supportive. Be supportive. _

“O-Oh? I’m sorry. That must…. suck.”

_Nailed it. _

Eddie softly shook his head.

“Not really. It’s been building up for a long time. Besides, I practically married my mom, dude.”

Richie slowly began to smile as he remembered when Eddie had shown him a picture of Myra when they were out for dinner when they first returned to Derry. The fact that his wife was the spitting image of his mother was the first thought that came to Richie when he laid eyes on the photo.

“Just remember you said that and not me.”

“Shut up,” Eddie rolled his eyes. “Anyway, so when I got back to New York I’m going to do the whole works. Get the divorce papers. Quit my job. I’ll probably find a nice one-man apartment. Maybe get a dog, I don’t know.”

“Wait. You’re going to let her keep the apartment?”

Eddie nodded.

“I need a fresh start. I don’t feel like I can do that in that apartment.”

“But it might take weeks for you to find something in your price range, right?”

“I don’t know. Maybe? I’ll figure it out as I go.”

And then it was in that moment that Richie decided to say something that scared the absolute shit out of himself.

“Stay with me.”

Eddie suddenly smiled and laughed.

“I’m being serious, Richie.”

“So am I,” Richie stated. “You wanted a fresh start, why not LA?”

Eddie silently stared at Richie. The realisation of how entirely serious Richie was slowly dawned on him.

“Move across country to LA?” Eddie deadpanned.

“Yes.”

“But I won’t have a job over there in LA. It’ll take a while to go job hunting.”

Richie shrugged.

“So?”

“_So_,” Eddie repeated. “What I’m saying is that you save my life and now you’re saying it’s okay to mooch off of you?”

It was, of course, a rhetorical question, but Richie wasn’t having any of it.

“It wouldn’t be mooching,” Richie put on his best high-class British accent, “You’d be my guest of honour at castle Tozier.”

Eddie sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Richie, it can’t be just that simple.”

“Why can’t it?”

Eddie opened his mouth to retort back an answer, but nothing came out. That had been a good question. Why couldn’t it be simple? What was really stopping him? It wasn’t the fact that he would have to deal with his soon to be ex-wife, or quitting his job, or even updating his living information. Those things were quite simple in the long run of things.

Eddie than came to the realisation that it was fear that was stopping him. The same type of fear that made him stay with Myra and kept him so restricted in life. He leant back into his chair with a sigh.

“Why are you insisting so badly?”

“Because I want you to stay with me. Twenty-seven years without you is enough.” _Shit. Did I just say that out loud? _

Richie wanted to blame it on coming out to Bill earlier on his sudden loose lips. His fear ate away at his mind as Eddie silently stared at him.

_Shit. Shit. Shit. _

Richie decided to blame it on the pain-relieving drugs he was on, but before he could, Eddie in a soft voice gave his answer.

“Alright.”

Richie blinked. Had he heard right?

“What?”

“I’ll stay with you,” Eddie clarified. “As long as it’s okay with you.”

“It is.” Richie knew he answered a little too quickly, but he didn’t care.

“That’s that then.” Eddie pat his hand over Richie’s.

Richie reigned back all the things he analysed as over thinking, but he could’ve sworn that Eddie’s hand lingered for a few seconds longer than he needed to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I've got some housekeeping notes here: Firstly, I feel like I need to state that I only know snippets of what happens in the actual book of "IT", as I have never read it. The basis of canon that this fic is centred around is the film canon, with some minor book(?) canons to suit the fic. For example, apparently Bill and Richie are meant to be closer as friends in the book than they were shown in the film canon, so with that, I decided to play into that a bit more in this fic. 
> 
> I also tried to keep to real medical terminology as well as I could, but I'm no doctor and hope that the research I did for it matches well enough to a real life scenario.
> 
> One chapter left to go! Hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you soon in the last chapter!


	3. A second chance is made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It is 12:00 in the morning and I finally finished it!! 3 rewrites and 25k+ words and only 16k+ made the cut. I hope y'all like it and all it's semi rushed goodness.

“But then who will stay with Richie?” Beverly asked.

“How about no one?” Richie said, finally getting the attention on him. “I’m a grown ass man. I can handle myself, injury and all.”

“I’ll keep a watch over Richie.” Mike said, ignoring the latter. The others followed suit, leaving a very annoyed Richie to flop his backwards onto his pillow with a groan. 

Richie regretted bringing it up, but he knew they needed to talk about it. It was the inevitable ‘what happens now?’. They couldn’t keep putting their lives on hold to stay with Richie who was hospital bound. Or rather, that’s what Richie had told them. It didn’t go well…. for Richie. The Loser’s were not having it. No one wanted to leave Richie alone in his state. While he wasn’t at death’s door anymore, it didn’t mean that they forgot that he was.

Eddie had immediately insisted on staying, but Richie fought against it, because he knew that Eddie needed to go back to New York and face what he needed to. Eddie agreed, but it didn’t mean that he wanted to leave Richie alone. No one did.

Beverly needed to do the same to deal with her soon to be ex-husband. Both Eddie and Beverly had already started arrangements with their respective divorce lawyers, but they needed to physically meet with them to sign paperwork and work out the technicalities.

“No, Mike. You’ve been in Derry long enough,” Bill said leaning against the wall. “I’ll stay with him. Besides, Rich and I both live in LA. I can take him home too. We were talking about it before. I live less than half an hour away from his house. I’ll check in every day until Eddie’s ready to come down.”

“Bill –” Richie didn’t get the chance to begin to say what he wanted.

“No, I want to, Rich. You almost died. _It_ may be dead, but Derry still isn’t the safest place to be.”

“But your movie,” Richie was grabbing at any excuse he could. “Aren’t you meant to be finishing the script?”

“Nice try. I have my laptop with me so I can finish it later.”

“But--”

“Just shut the fuck up and accept it, Rich. You’re stuck here with me.” Bill proved yet again why he was always the leader of the Losers with his stern statement.

Richie groaned, but didn’t try to fight it anymore. He hated making everyone worry. He’d rather if he dealt with it himself. He couldn’t handle the internal guilt of having to depend on the others, even if they really didn’t mind, Richie still felt horrible for it.

“Are you sure that’ll be okay, Bill? Because I can afford to take more time from work.” Ben offered, even though they all knew that deep down that he didn’t want to leave Beverly’s side.

“It’ll be fine, but don’t get me wrong,” Bill nervously laughed. “The executive producers were _not_ happy, but I’ve spoken to Audra, and she’s helped to convince them to postpone filming the last few scenes for another week.”

The mention of Bill’s wife sparked curiosity through the others. Mike was the first to wonder what Bill had said.

“What did you tell her?”

“As much as the truth as I could. I told her a close friend had died and that another almost did too,” Bill paused for a moment, obviously thinking about the past few days. “She didn’t ask much after that, but I know she and I are going to have to talk about all of it.”

Richie humourlessly snorted.

“Yeah, see how that goes,” Richie tried to mimic Bill’s voice. “Hey honey, an evil child eating space demon tried to kill me and my friends as kids and as adults because we made a pact to come back to kill the fucker. Wanna hear about how one of my friends was shish-kebabbed by the thing and tossed around like a ragdoll?”

All the Loser’s simultaneously said the same thing, all in various exasperated tones.

“_Beep beep_, Richie.”

* * *

The following day was when the others prepared to leave. It took coaxing from both Richie and Bill to convince the others that it was okay.

Ben, Beverly and Eddie were all flying off to New York while Mike packed his car, ready to leave Derry and explore the world outside the town.

The goodbyes weren’t sad or sombre at all. They were all determined to keep contact and message it each frequently. They didn’t plan on losing each other again. Mike had reassured the others that he didn’t think they’d forget this time because Pennywise was dead for good.

Richie wished he knew if that were true or not, but even in the different time when Eddie had died, Richie hadn’t left Derry yet. But the others seemed so sure that it wouldn’t happen again, but they still took a few steps as precautions. They all set up multiple group chats with all of them and turned on timers when to ‘check in’ with the others.

They each gave one last hug to Richie and Bill before they left. Ben, Beverly and Mike left the room.

Eddie was the one to linger, hesitating at the door frame. He snapped his head back toward them.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” he asked for nearing to the sixth time.

“Go,” Richie ignored the selfish part of him that wanted Eddie to stay. “Just because I’m stuck here doesn’t mean you need to be.”

Eddie opened his mouth, but Bill stepped in before he could say anything more.

“We won’t be here for much longer. By the time you sort everything out, we’ll be back in LA waiting for you.”

Eddie slowly nodded seemingly accepting it as the convincing he needed. Bill pulled Eddie in for an embrace as a final goodbye.

“I won’t be long. Keep an eye on him,” Eddie hesitated with his next words, so he kept it as a whisper between the two of them. “Keep him safe.”

Bill tensed. Pennywise may have been gone but the fear of _It _returning lingered in all their minds.

“Don’t worry, I will,” Bill promised. “Goodluck with everything.”

“I guess next I’ll see you both will be in LA.”

Bill could hear the smile in Eddie’s voice. He couldn’t help but smile himself at the sound. Bill gave Eddie three solid pats on the back before pulling away.

Eddie immediately went over to say one final goodbye to Richie, immediately going to hug the other. Richie didn’t need any coaxing to return it.

“Get better, okay Trashmouth?”

“Well, if Dr. Spaghetti is telling me to, I have to listen, right?”

Richie felt Eddie let out a small laugh against him.

“Don’t call me that.”

Richie shut his eyes and held Eddie just a little tighter. He let himself be selfish as he wanted one more second to hold Eddie longer than he needed to.

With that one second there was no need to deny to himself of how he felt. Every new moment that he got to have with Eddie was something that he etched into his mind as a treasure. That one extra second was enough for Richie.

Because something that Richie kept to himself was that despite how he felt, he knew he’d be okay with nothing more than what he already had with Eddie. Friendship was enough because if Eddie was happy and alive, Richie knew without a single doubt that he’d be completely content with the way things were.

Bill watched as the two embraced. He couldn’t help but feel that he was intruding on a private moment. He could practically feel the intimate tension surrounding his two friends. But more interestingly enough, when Bill noticed that Richie had shut his eyes for a moment, Eddie did the same shortly after.

As they pulled away, their gaze on each other lingered long enough for Bill to feel a metaphorical lightbulb going off in his head.

When Eddie finally left, Bill only had one thought.

_Eddie loves him too._

But whether Richie or even Eddie himself knew that fact, Bill didn’t know for sure.

* * *

Mike had been right. With Pennywise gone for good, they could finally remember everything of their pasts in Derry and they didn’t forget once again. Twice a day the others would send a message on the chat along the lines of ‘_day 1 out of Derry. Still remember!_’. They all varied from person to person. Mike sent update pictures of his road trip. Everyone was glad that Mike could finally live a real life.

Four days passed and went, and not fast at all. It went by achingly slow.

Bill spent most of his time writing on his laptop while Richie spent most of his time sleeping. Sure, Richie was in pain and he was still healing, but he mostly slept because there was nothing else to do. The boredom was driving Richie insane.

There was only so much battery on his phone at time, and he and Bill had drained out every possible interesting subject to talk about. They had mostly discussed their lives after Derry, but once that was sucked dry, there was nothing new to talk about.

Richie had been so tempted to privately text Eddie to ask how he was doing every day. But he knew that Eddie had a lot to deal with, and Richie would always convince himself out of it thinking that he’d give it a bit more time before asking Eddie if everything was going okay.

While Richie had been attempting to get more sleep as Bill was making finishing touches to the script, Richie heard his phone ringing.

Richie’s eyes snapped open. He recognised the ringtone. Richie grabbed his phone and glanced down at the caller ID only to confirm his fears.

“Shit!”

Bill’s eyes darted upward from his laptop.

“What’s wrong? Who is it?”

“My manager. I ditched mid-tour.” If Richie had to be honest, he had forgotten about his life outside of the horrific events that had unfolded in Derry until he saw his manager’s name.

Richie put on a false optimistic voice as he answered the phone.

“Hey Jason, it’s been a while.”

His manager didn’t share the same enthusiasm.

_“Richie, where the hell have you been!? I’ve been trying to call you for days. The agreement was that I would cancel the rest of the shows in Reno and Las Vegas, to give you time to do whatever you needed to do, right? But you’re supposed to be in St. Louis in tomorrow! Please tell me you’ve done what you needed to do.”_

“Yeah,” Richie forced a laugh. “I think you’ll need to cancel the rest of my tour.”

_"What!? Why!?”_ Jason sounded like he burst a vein.

Richie decided to be blunt.

“I’m still in Derry. I was stabbed.”

There was a short pause.

_“The hell does that mean?”_

“That I was stabbed. I was being literal. I was stabbed,” Richie fumbled with his phone. “Hold on for a second.”

Richie ended the call but immediately called him back via a video chat. When his manager picked up Richie saw his face shift from stressed to worry.

Jason’s demeanour immediately changed and seeing the state of him.

_“Richie, you look like shit! You okay?”_

“Yeah, I’m in the hospital. I’m good, but I’ll be outta commission for a while.”

_“Of course, just…. how the fuck did you get stabbed?”_

“I hadn’t exactly planned on it. An old psycho I knew as a kid broke out of the mental hospital, and he kinda impaled me.” Richie’s delivery of the lie was flawless and blunt.

_“Fucking what!? **Kinda impaled**? I thought you said you were good!”_

“I am now. We’re talking right now, aren’t we?”

_“That’s not – Right. Okay, okay, okay. I’ll have to cancel the rest of your tours, so you can get better, but I’ll have to publicly state something on social media.”_

“Maybe we shouldn’t start off with that I was stabbed. I would rather if people didn’t come hunting me down to see if it’s true while I’m still stuck in the hospital.”

_“Of course, I wasn’t going to mention that,”_ Jason seemed to calm down quite quickly. _“Alright, I’ll release a statement that we’re going to refund the tickets for the tour and that you’ll be on an indefinite hiatus. I know it makes it sounds like you quit after one bad night, but it’s probably the best option we’ve got for now for you, alright? I’ll deal with the technical stuff; you just get better.”_

Richie couldn’t help, but smile. His manager was someone he knew he could count on, which was a rare find for Richie.

“I’ll get there. Thanks, Jay.”

_“I just wished you called me sooner about this.”_

“I would have but I’ve only been properly conscious for like a day and a half now.”

Jason’s eyes widened.

_“Jesus Christ! Okay, text me if you need anything. I’ll keep you updated via texts, so you just…..yeah.”_

“Will do. I appreciate it all, Jay, but before you go I just thought I’d mention that I want to start writing my old material again like when I first started.”

_“Uh…okay. When you’re back how about we talk it over then, alright?”_ It was obvious that Jason wasn’t sure if Richie were being serious or not.

Richie decided not to get into it and knew it was a discussion once he was back home in LA.

“Okay. See ya.”

_“Bye, Rich.”_

Richie ended the call with a sigh. He was glad he got to deal with practically giving his manager a heart attack. He turned to Bill who let out a loud ‘hmph’ attempting to continue typing away.

“What?” Richie frowned.

“What?” Bill repeated.

“What was with the ‘hmph’?” Richie made a note of making the ‘hmph’ sound far more feminine than Bill had initially made it sound.

“Nothing,” Bill smirked.

“Bill.”

“It’s nothing, it’s just that your manager looks and sounds like someone we know.”

“What? Who?”

Bill smirked. Richie stared back. A silence stretched between the two. Richie suddenly realised what Bill was silently implying.

“Oh, fuck you.”

“But he does!” Bill laughed.

“He is nothing like Eddie,”

“Sure thing,”

“I’m serious. They’re very different,”

“Really now?” Bill sat forward, smirking.

Richie opened his mouth but suddenly a list of similarities came into his mind. They looked vaguely similar, they were the same height, had the same ferocity. And suddenly Richie remembered that on Jason’s Facebook there was a picture of him and his girlfriend hiking, and he had worn a fanny pack.

“Shut up, Bill.”

* * *

It had only been 8 days since the others had left Derry. The one message they received from Richie on their ‘Losers’ group chat was the last one they had been expecting.

_Richie: Guess who’s officially free from Derry?_

_Bill sent a photo_

The picture was of an empty hospital bed and a wheelchair bound Richie, back in his casual clothing beside it, flipping off the camera.

_Richie: Doc gave the all clear, and I just finished the paperwork. Lucky I have private health because these prices are fucking crazy!!_

The others replied in a matter of minutes.

_Eddie: Already?_

_Eddie: Not that I’m not happy, but so soon? _

_Beverly: Yay!!! _

_Beverly: Ben says he’s happy for you too!_

_Mike: that’s great! - Mike_

Bill and Richie smiled at the message. Mike still hadn’t caught the hang of texting, let alone a group chat, but he had spirit.

Suddenly a separate notification went off on Richie’s phone. Eddie was privately messaging him outside the group chat.

_Eddie: I know you want out of Derry asap, but are you sure you’re okay enough to leave? Don’t keep pushing yourself_

_Richie: Awww didn’t know you cared so much Eds xoxo_

_Richie: but seriously, I’m okay. Even asked a different doc of their opinion because I know how you just **love** Dr Simins work ethic. Bill will just have to be my wheelchair pusher and chauffeur for a while. You don’t need to worry about me_

_Eddie: If you’re sure.._

Richie frowned at the response, so he opted to change the subject to something he had been dying to ask about but never gained the courage to do so until that moment.

_Richie: btw how is all that divorce stuff going for you?_

_Eddie is typing…_

That appeared and disappeared four times within 2 minutes until Eddie had decided on something.

_Eddie: A picture can tell a thousand words, right?_

_Eddie sent a photo_

Richie couldn’t help but laugh aloud. The picture had Eddie flipping off the divorce papers.

_Richie: That good huh?_

_Eddie: You have no idea _☹

Richie laughed again. Richie couldn’t help but gush over Eddie’s use of an emoji. It was cute.

_Eddie: Myra is being…_

_Eddie: Difficult_

_Eddie: Let’s just say I’ll tell you more about it when I come down to LA. There’s a lot to unpack_

_Richie: How long are you still going to stay in New York?_

_Eddie: I’m still a couple of days off from going. So it’ll give you time to settle back home before I come and interrupt your home life _

_Richie: Looking forward to it_

_Eddie:_ 😊

Richie couldn’t stop smiling after that. Bill didn’t make a comment on it, he already knew exactly why and it wasn’t because they were finally exiting the hospital.

Bill wheeled Richie over to his hired car. The fresh air of the outside of the hospital had never felt better.

“Sweet freedom.” Richie shut his eyes focusing on the sun shining down on him. The warmth had never felt so good against his skin. Bill opened the passenger door out wide.

“Need any help getting in the car?”

Richie shook his head.

“I’m good.”

Richie could stand well enough on his own, but walking was a different story. Luckily it was only a few steps into the passenger seat. Richie let out a hiss as he had to lower himself back down into a sitting position, but it was bearable.

They at first drove in comfortable silence until Richie spoke up.

“Can we stop by the Neibolt house on the way out?”

Bill’s eyes darted back and forth from the road and to Richie. The incredulous look in his eyes growing.

“Why? It’s all just a big rubble sink hole now.”

“I need to see for myself,” Richie knew he needed to convey how serious he was being. “Please.”

The days spent lying in a hospital bed meant there was a lot of time to think. The fact that he couldn’t remember seeing the destruction of the Neibolt a second time bothered him. It wasn’t like that seeing it would make a difference, _It_ was still dead. But he needed to check one last time.

It was an only a short detour and their flight was still hours away. Bill’s resolve crumbled away as he headed toward the direction of Neibolt Street.

“Fine. Okay. We can check it out.”

Bill turned down the road. He visibly tensed as he slowly pulled over to the side of the road where the house once stood. The police had put up tape around the sinkhole, but it was obvious that nothing had been done about it yet.

Bill watched carefully but said nothing as he saw Richie fiddle with the seatbelt, preparing to get out of the car. Richie opened the passenger side, using the door to support himself standing as he stared at the wreckage.

The debris was exactly like he had first seen it. It was near to exactly to what he remembered. But the last time he remembered standing outside that debris was when he was screaming for Eddie. His body would’ve been buried deep within those caverns somewhere. The thought made Richie’s skin crawl.

A certain patch of grass had splotches of something brown. Richie squinted at the sight and he quickly figured out what it was. It was his old blood from when he was bleeding out. Mother nature hadn’t washed it away yet. It remained, marking the ground of the horror of what had happened.

His wound began to sting at the memory of protecting Eddie from an old fate.

Richie knew that it had been over a week since the showdown with Pennywise. It had been days longer than the first life he had experienced. The life where Eddie had died. But the fear of it still not being real had already been seeded into his mind.

Staring at the rubble, he shut his eyes. When Richie shut his eyes all he could hear was himself screaming for Eddie. Suddenly Richie remembered the conversation that he had with Beverly.

_“What if what you saw really happened, and you were sent back to change it?”_

_“Like time travel?”_

_“A second chance.”_

Richie opened his eyes and glared at the remains of the house. He only had one last thing to say to the wreckage before he finally left the town.

“Stay dead this time, you motherfucker.”

* * *

Their flight went smoothly. They had gotten some good seats due to Richie’s condition. Richie wished he could say that he milked it out for what it was worth, but the reality of it all was that he slept for most of the flight. The array of pain medication had him feeling drowsy all the time. But Richie honestly preferred feeling like complete dogshit instead of staying in that hospital in Derry for one more day.

Bill organised for someone to bring his car and drop off the keys to him once they had landed. Richie didn’t pay too much attention as he and Bill engaged in some small talk before, they left the two alone. 

Richie was in and out of what he called ‘power naps’, when he spotted a familiar house in the distance. He smiled at the sight.

“This is it, the one on the left with the blueish looking roof.”

“I honestly didn’t expect you to live in such a fancy looking house.” Bill said, his eyes wide as he pulled into Richie’s driveway.

“What did you think I’d live in? An old lady’s basement?”

“If said yes, would you be offended?”

“Maybe you should be a comedy writer instead,” Richie said sarcastically. “You’re hilarious.”

The inside of the house was more shocking than the outside. Bill didn’t know what he expected when he imagined Richie’s house, but marble kitchen tops were not a part of it.

However, with some old glasses sitting by the sink, obviously having been siting there and unwashed for quite some time it made Bill accept that it was indeed Richie’s home.

“Not what you were expecting?” Richie smirked, almost proud that Bill was so shocked.

“I thought you’d have something a bit more, maybe rustic? This is really,” Bill struggled to find a good word for it. “Modern.”

“I like the modern décor look. It makes me feel like I have my life together.”

Bill nodded.

That was fair.

As Bill left to grab Richie’s things, Richie wheeled himself into his living room, which wasn’t a hard task. The floors of the house were all wooden and the kitchen and living room were the same large room. The large archway that separated the two was more for décor than separating the two rooms. The hard part was trying to manoeuvre to the couch as close as he could without wheeling on to the rug.

The rug sat underneath a glass coffee table, stretching out toward near the spaces of the couch. It made suddenly very glad that he didn’t have to worry about stairs with his wheelchair. His house didn’t have a second floor, but it was regardless quite large.

Richie got quite close to the couches before he stopped and stared at the circular edges of the rug.

“You good there, Rich?” Bill finally asked as he watched his friend struggle.

“Fuck it.” Richie gave up, choosing to get up and hobble over to the couch. It wasn’t much distance at all, but the doctors did recommend that he do as little moving as possible for at a minimum of a week.

Richie sank into the couch. It was obvious that he wasn’t getting back up for a while.

“When can I take more of the good painkillers?” Richie asked.

“The good ones? Not until another hour, buddy.”

Richie groaned at Bill’s reply, throwing an arm over his eyes.

“Shit,” he hissed.

Bill sat in the spare space of the couch that Richie had left nearest to his head.

“Is the pain getting worse?”

“No,” Richie admitted with a frown. “It’s just getting to the point that it’s constantly throbbing so it’s annoying.”

Bill gave two reassuring pats on Richie’s head.

“You’ll be fine. Stop being a baby.”

Bill’s phone vibrated once more. He decided to stop ignoring it and looked at his notifications.

“Woah.” Bill muttered, scrolling through something on his phone.

“What is it?” Richie’s immediate first thought was something had happened to one of the Loser’s.

“Check your phone.” Bill demanded, which only fed into Richie’s worry.

However, when Richie did so and had the same reaction as Bill.

“Woah.”

“Yeah.” Bill nodded.

It wasn’t any of the Loser’s, but both of their social medias were going nuts at the leaked paparazzi photos. There were already countless articles about the two.

Richie clicked the first article he found. It was a Buzzfeed one with the title, _‘You’ll never guess who Bill Denbrough’s new friend is *gasp*’_

_‘Renowned writer, William ‘Bill’ Denbrough was rumoured to have left the set of his latest book to film adaption without a word. In fact, no one knew where he went….. Until this morning!_

_He was spotted in the LA airport. It’s good to know he’s alive, but that’s barely the craziest part of this story. Bill resurfaced in the public eye pushing stand-up comedian, Richard aka ‘Richie’ Tozier, in a wheelchair! Can we just say that we have SO MANY QUESTIONS!!_

_Firstly, how do they know each other? And most importantly, what is going on!?!_

_A few days ago, Tozier’s manager released a statement that in reference to the cancelled tours that while they’d all be refunded that Richie would be going an indefinite hiatus. _

_So, the real question is, what exactly happened to Richie Tozier? _

_When will we get answers? They’re driving us crazy!’_

Bill peeked over Richie’s shoulder, reading the same article. Richie shook his head.

“It must be a slow news day if the whole internet is shitting themselves over pictures of us of all people,” Richie snorted, going through the other articles via his own Twitter feed. “A famous writer and a kinda famous comedian, c’mon, it’s not that weird.”

Bill hummed in agreement as he just shook his head at the articles. It hadn’t occurred to either of them that any paparazzi would care about them. They were wrong. 

Richie suddenly smirked and opened where Buzzfeed had tweeted the link to the first article he had read.

Bill’s eyebrows furrowed. His eyes glued to what Richie was doing.

“What are you doing?”

“Telling the truth.” Richie grinned as he tapped away.

Bill watched as Richie then proceeded to retweet the link to the article, adding his own caption.

‘_The short version: @Bill_Denbrough and I grew up together and a clown stabbed me :)_’

Bill shook his head but still immediately went on to his own Twitter on his phone and liked Richie’s tweet and forwarded the link to the thread to the Loser’s group chat.

They both silenced their phones as they knew in the coming hour, their collective fanbases would be going crazy. But not before Richie sent his manager a quick text of ‘the tweet is my official statement for now. Ignore any follow ups. Please and thank you’.

Richie and Bill decided to watch TV as they waited for the inevitable media coverage on their social medias. Bill, however, kept glancing and going on his phone.

“What? Never been in some media gossip before Mr. Big writer Bill?” Richie joked.

Bill’s face remained stoic.

“Uh, no. Audra’s texting me.”

Richie shifted enough to be in what looked like a sitting position.

“So,” Richie didn’t know how to go about the conversation. Bill had been avoiding it for days. “You and the Missus….. How’s that going to go?”

Bill sunk back into the couch with a sigh, his eyes looking slightly misted with tears being held back.

“I want to make things right,” he confessed. “Audra and I haven’t been going great lately, but my marriage isn’t something I want to give up on. I won’t. Not without fighting for it.”

Richie nodded. It was good that Bill was being blunt, but it also meant that Richie didn’t know what else to say. It took a moment, but Richie eventually offered what he could to Bill.

“Hey, I have two guest rooms. If you ever need somewhere to crash, you know where I am.”

“Thanks Richie,” Bill suddenly cleared his throat attempting to reel in the emotion. “You got some water?”

“Yeah, I’ve got bottles in the fridge.”

Bill was immediately on his feet going toward the kitchen. Richie attempted to lighten the mood.

“If on the off chance that worst comes to worst, I could do up the place and this could end up a bachelor pad. You and Eds could go out and rope in as many ladies you want.”

Bill rolled his eyes, but the smile on his face exposed the amusement he kept hidden

“_Beep beep_, Richie. But besides, Eddie wouldn’t do that,” Bill took a water bottle from the fridge. “He loves you,”

Richie snorted. “Yeah, yeah. I know the whole speech ‘and we Losers all love you too’, right?”

“No – well, yeah, but what I mean is that Eddie is _in_ love with you,”

Richie’s head snapped over to the direction of Bill as he nonchalantly took a large drink from the water bottle, feigning innocence.

A beat passed.

“Dude, don’t make fun of me,”

“I’m not. I’m being completely serious,” Bill said.

“What?”

“C’mon, Rich. He agreed to live with you across country after telling you he was getting a divorce.”

Richie forced a scoff.

“That doesn’t mean shit. We all were best friends,” Richie felt his resolve flattering and hope taking its place. “Or what? Did Eddie tell you something?”

“No,”

“Then how are you so sure?”

“Oh,” Bill smirked as he gulped down the rest of his water. “I’m sure.”

“Bill, that tells me nothing.”

“Let’s just say, I now understand why Stanley constantly looked dead inside whenever the two of you bickered in front of him.”

“The fuck does that mean?”

Bill laughed and shook his head. “If you don’t know, then just wait until he’s done in New York. You’ll see.”

Richie continued to stare.

“Bill, what the fuck does that mean!?”

* * *

New York had been Eddie’s home for years. But it was the second he was back that the whole place felt foreign. Sure, it wasn’t like he had forgotten his way around the place, but it was that nothing felt the same anymore. 

All he wanted to do was deal with what he needed to and start his new chapter of his life in LA.

His job was the easy part. His divorce on the other hand…. well, it kept him busy. Every time it seemed that he and Myra had come to a mutual settlement, she kept changing her mind and refused to sign the papers.

She was dragging it out on purpose for weeks. Eddie’s lawyer insisted of drawing up the kind of papers that wouldn’t need Myra, but that process would take longer and that would leave him in New York longer.

Ben had offered Eddie to stay at his house for as long as he needed to. Eddie declined, stating how he wouldn’t be too much longer. He didn’t want to third wheel on Ben and Beverly testing the waters of their newfound relationship. And it was also for the fact that he wanted to be by Richie’s side. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Bill to help Richie change his bandage hygienically, but it would’ve given more peace of mind to see how was doing it. Or rather, that’s the excuse he liked to use to convince himself.

Bill would often send pictures to the chat every other day of Richie on their group chat as a means of an update to make sure the others knew that he was going okay. The most recent was Richie flipping Bill off as he sat in his wheelchair in what looked to be a grocery store.

The others seemed satisfied, but Eddie got more and more impatient with each passing day. He needed to see Richie with his own eyes.

Which all lead to Eddie nervously standing outside his apartment door. He was dreading what had to come next. He didn’t even know why he had agreed to it.

Myra wanted to have one last face to face conversation on the matter, or so that’s what she had claimed. She had kept insisting, and what Myra assumed was out of old habit, Eddie yielded and agreed to it. But the reality was that Eddie agreed to it because he knew that his resolve wouldn’t change.

It was also that he wanted to give Myra one last opportunity to sign the divorce papers, instead of fighting and prolonging the inevitable.

Eddie walked in. The apartment didn’t feel like home anymore. It hadn’t ever since he returned to New York. He saw that Myra was in their living room on the couch.

“Myra.” He greeted, keeping his distance.

“Sit down…. Please.” Myra patted the spot next to her on the couch.

Eddie hesitantly listened, placing the divorce and a pen on the coffee table.

“You know I love you, Eddie.” Myra said, staring at Eddie expectantly.

Eddie stared back incredulously.

“Are you expecting me to say it back?” He asked.

“If you ever loved me, you would.”

And there it was. Eddie sighed.

“Myra, don’t start this again. Please.” He had enough of the hysterics when they had met with their lawyers.

“We could get marriage counselling. I don’t want to give up on us.” Myra placed a hand against Eddie’s cheek. He immediately recoiled away. Her hand was cold and the touch itself made a shiver run up his spine.

“Myra, I’m sorry, but I can’t keep living this lie anymore. What we have…. It isn’t love.”

She stared at him in disbelief.

“How can you say that? What things are those so-called _friends_ filling your head with?”

“Hey, hey! Don’t say that. This decision was all mine. Myra, I haven’t been happy in years.”

Myra was quiet, her face sobering from her previously manic state. She was finally accepting reality for what it was.

“Did I ever make you happy?”

Eddie knew he at least owed her the truth, even if it hurt.

“I thought you did.”

It was something that the both were in denial about for a long time. Myra knew that Eddie was unhappy in their marriage, but she turned a blind eye.

“You were never in love me, were you?”

Eddie was shocked at the question. The answer was a truth that brought Eddie great sadness. 

“I thought I was.”

And for the first time in the history of their whole marriage, Myra admitted defeat.

She signed the divorce papers.

* * *

“Wow, Rich, you still look like shit.”

It wasn’t what Richie liked to hear from his manager at eight in the morning, yet there they were. He and his manager were long overdue for a chat.

“Thanks Jay. It’s not like I was stabbed or something.” Richie stepped aside, letting Jason in.

“Right! Sorry. It’s just I still haven’t wrapped my head with what happened. Wait! Should you be up and around yet? Don’t you have to use the wheelchair?”

“Yesterday, my doc said I only need to use the chair for longer distance now. Around home I should be okay now,” Richie walked into the kitchen as Jason followed. “Coffee?”

“Thanks. And how’s the stab wound healing?”

“Fine. Still hurts like a bitch, but that’s normal.”

“Shit, Rich.”

Richie pushed over a mug of black coffee to Jason.

“Okay, so what did you want to discuss?” Richie asked.

Jason’s message had been cryptic at best. Richie struggled to tell when his manager was being serious or casual.

“So, not to talk about business while you’re recovering but I need to know,” Jason nervously tightened his grip on the mug. “Are you sure about the whole writing-your-own-material schtick?”

“Yes. Why?” And it was once Richie asked that he thought that Jason would quit as his manager right then and there.

“Oh, thank god. I’m glad.”

Richie blinked. “What?”

“Let’s face it. Your material currently works because it’s _you_, saying the joke. The material isn’t great, but you make it work.”

“I thought you liked the material.”

“No. It’s garbage. You’re capable of better.”

Richie had to take a moment to process. “And you didn’t say anything, why?”

“I thought you were happy with it since your shows have been successful, so I didn’t say anything. Besides, if you want to start again with fresh material, the timing is perfect?”

Richie stared back. “Jason, I almost died.”

“Exactly! Richie, what happened to you was horrible, it was. No denying that. But we can use it to your advantage.”

“Meaning?”

“_Meaning_, while you recover it’ll give you time to write up some demo material. When you’re ready to come back, we’ll market it as your comeback tour. Right before it, we’ll do some press releases about how you were stabbed and recovered.”

_Ahhh,_ Richie realised. _Milk out the almost dying thing to get my career back on track._

Richie thought about it. His career wouldn’t have been in trouble if it weren’t for the clown. And ironically after what Pennywise had done to him subsequently could not only save it but boost it. Anything to spite the clown.

“Done.”

As soon as Jason left, Richie had made every intention of making a start with writing his new act. He really did.

But one little text threw that all out the window. Richie had re-read the text almost ten times before it sunk in.

_Eddie: She signed the papers. I can be in LA later tonight. Is that okay?_

Richie immediately replied with a ‘yeah’, concealing how nervous he was.

It was finally happening. Richie’s palms were sweaty. He couldn’t stand still; all he could do was pace. It wasn’t everyday that his childhood best friend crush was coming to live with him.

In fact, such a statement felt like something out of fiction, but it was his reality. He quickly sent Bill a message.

_Richie: You don’t need to come over today. Eddie is coming home tonight. _

Bill decided to continue being cheeky with his reply.

_Bill: Have fun_ 😉

* * *

Eddie wasn’t sure he was in the right neighbourhood. It looked too nice from the one he envisioned. But he had double checked with Richie the address before his flight. It was right. 

He walked up the driveway dragging nothing but two suitcases and a backpack. All that he kept was in those bags, and they were mostly just clothes that he liked. Nothing was sentimental enough to keep. Another piece of evidence of how unfulfilling his life was before.

Eddie felt relief melt into him the moment he laid eyes on Richie. The next thing Eddie knew, he was hugging Richie. For a moment, Richie relished in it, the next he had to pull away. Eddie held him too tightly and his injury suffered for it.

“Good to see you too, Eds, but watch the grip.”

Eddie immediately let go.

“Sorry. It’s just….. It’s good to see you.”

Richie smiled back. It took him a few seconds to register that he needed to say something instead of gazing at Eddie.

“So, no more stitches.” Richie pointed to Eddie’s scarred cheek.

“Oh! Yeah. Got them out last week. I thought I told you over message….I guess not.”

There was a pause.

_Say something! Stop being weird!_ Richie scolded himself.

“Come on in.”

Once Eddie saw the inside of the house his eyes widened.

“This is your house!?”

He had spent time with Ben in his penthouse apartment with Beverly, but he expected such a nice place from Ben. Richie, on the other hand, was a complete surprise.

“You and Bill act so surprised. Did you both think I lived in a hole with some gophers?”

“I wouldn’t put it past you.”

“But I’m more of a beaver guy because they –” _eat wood_. Richie stopped himself. Why was that the joke he thought in that moment?

Eddie rolled his eyes, not paying too much mind to what Richie had said.

“Still,” Eddie luckily changed the subject. “This is a nice place. Are you sure if it’s okay if I stay?”

Richie nodded. “Of course. Mi casa es su casa. You can take a pick of either of the rooms on the left. And the bathroom and laundry are down the hall.”

“Thanks Rich.”

Eddie picked his room and started to unpack his clothes into the drawers and cupboards. It was no time at all when he had finished up and he just took a moment to sit on the bed. Richie’s entire house had such a welcoming aura that was just so Richie. And not that he would admit to it, but the house itself smelled like Richie, which oddly helped with Eddie’s nerves.

He still felt bad for imposing, even if Richie had made it clear that he wasn’t. It didn’t take long before Richie knocked on his door.

“Hey, our cute little dinner is ready. You gonna join me?”

“Dinner?” Eddie asked incredulously. “Richie, you didn’t need to. Shouldn’t you be resting?”

“I wanted to as a welcome, and I’ve been doing nothing all day. Come on.” Richie said, seeming a little too energetic.

It made Eddie suspicious. His eyes narrowed at the other.

“What did you do?”

Richie was grinning as he slunk away from the doorway. Eddie slowly followed Richie into the kitchen. Richie didn’t stop smiling as he hid something behind his back. That wasn’t a good sign.

“Go on. Sit down.”

Eddie stared back. “What is it?”

Richie continued to grin. “I’m making you a cannibal.”

“What?”

Richie placed the plate of food in front of Eddie. Once Eddie saw what it was, he gawked at Richie, very clearly unimpressed.

“Really?”

“Yep.” Richie snickered.

It was a plate of spaghetti bolognese.

“You think you’re being funny, aren’t you?”

“Extremely.”

Richie continued to laugh to himself as Eddie took a bite. Eddie’s eyes widened.

“This is…. Really good.”

“Well, I hope so. That was the intention. No one likes bland pasta sauce. My secret ingredient: garlic. Lots and lots of garlic.”

“You know, too much garlic is—”

“Eds.” Richie interrupted.

“Yeah?”

“Shut up and live a little. Eat.”

* * *

Three weeks. Three glorious weeks had passed in a blink of an eye.

Whilst it had been weeks, it felt like they had been living together for years. Almost immediately after those first few days of buffer time between the two, it almost immediately became strangely domestic. Richie thought that it’d take months for Eddie to feel comfortable living with him, but after the first night, Eddie was at complete ease.

Richie had never had any roommates since college. Living with Eddie was entirely new territory since he was so used to living alone. And strangely enough, Richie thought he would be more nervous having Eddie living with him after all the panic he had experienced before he had arrived. But after the moment Eddie arrived, Richie felt at peace.

It didn’t take Eddie long to find a small office job. It was nothing special. It didn’t pay as much as his previous job as a risk analyst, but Eddie was happy with it and that was enough.

Never in his whole life did Richie imagine that he’d be living in such close quarters with someone he loved only for that same person to not know how he felt. It wasn’t a normal turn of events, but in truth, Richie had never been happier. Having Eddie merely around him everyday was enough for him.

Even when Eddie was out of the house, his presence was still everywhere in the small things, like how there was two toothbrushes in the cup in the bathroom or how Eddie’s laptop was on the table in the living room. Something that Richie silently adored was a little pattern chart on a whiteboard on the fridge that Eddie had bought to write whose turn it was to do the dishes and take out the trash.

Eddie insisted that he wanted to do the rest of the housework. It wasn’t that Richie was incapable due to his wound or a messy person, it was just that Eddie’s standard of clean was different to his…. Well, it was more due to one incident when Eddie had changed the bed sheets.

_“Did you buy these? They look new.” Richie felt the fabric with an impressed smile._

_Eddie stared back, his eyes large and judging. _

_“No, they were in your spare drawers under the towel cabinet. When was the last time you changed your bed covers?”_

_Richie shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe a few months ago. Why?”_

_Eddie visibly gagged. _

_“Okay. No. We’re not doing this. Go watch TV or something. I’m cleaning this whole house.”_

_“Eddie, you don’t have to—”_

_“Oh, this isn’t because of the goodness in my heart kind of shit. This is because if I don’t, I will go crazy.”_

Richie knew to leave it with the crazed look in Eddie’s eyes. It took a whole day, but by the time Eddie was done with the house, it looked like a brand-new house.

And ever since, Eddie ran a very tight ship with the housework.

Richie however did all the cooking. It wasn’t that Eddie was incapable of cooking his own meals. It was more that he only ate ‘healthy’ foods, which Eddie knew was something he needed to break out of since the whole ‘diet’ was something that Myra had got him on to accommodate for his ‘allergies’. So, Richie purposely made things with ingredients that he knew that Eddie had thought he was allergic or intolerant to. Eddie would always show hesitance and sometimes complain, but he’d eat it regardless for the simple fact that Richie had made it for him.

The arrangement also got Richie back into cooking, which he enjoyed but was too lazy to do when living by himself. Before, Richie would live on store-bought premade meals and oddly enough, a lot of fruit.

It also began a sort of routine in the morning that Eddie would always make Richie’s coffee in the morning. Black with two sugars. They had gotten coffee in their time in Derry together a grand total of one time, but Eddie didn’t forget it.

While Eddie went to work, Richie went to work on his script. Whenever Eddie would see him working on it later into the night, he would stare at Richie from a distance. When Richie would ask what was wrong, Eddie would shake his head and dismiss it.

Richie was in the middle of writing up his new comedy script when he felt his phone vibrate.

_Eddie: Remember I’m going out for drinks with Bill after work tonight. I’ll be back late. Don’t wait up_

Richie was in truth jealous. He couldn’t drink yet. Not until he could stop taking his medication. He got gravely warned how the two would not mix. So, as a means of a small revenge, Richie replied to Eddie in the most infuriating way he knew how.

_Richie: K_

He knew how much Eddie hated the singular ‘k’ as a response.

_Eddie: Fuck you_

_Eddie: Also don’t watch anymore American Crime Story without me!!!_

Richie snorted. The nights often consisted of the two quarrelling over what they wanted to watch on either TV or Netflix. And whenever they did agree on something, Eddie was dead set that they watch it together. His logic was that there was no point in watching the same thing twice at different rates if they both were going to watch it.

It was sound logic, Richie thought.

But it didn’t stop him from watching an episode without Eddie.

Eddie didn’t speak to him for a few hours after he found out and he just pouted half the time. It almost made Richie nostalgic from when they’d bicker as kids.

Then and now, Richie still loved to annoy the shit out of Eddie in various ways. Exhibit K from A to Z:

_Richie: K_

Eddie stopped replying.

* * *

“To Mikey.”

“To Mikey!”

The two cheered as they were on their second drink of the night. Mike had posted photos of himself finally in Florida. Bill and Eddie had decided to have some celebratory drinks for Mike, sending a picture of themselves to Mike.

He just sent an array of laughing faced emojis.

Eddie started to feel the effects after the first drink but hid it well from the seasoned drinker that Bill had become.

“So, tell me, what is it like living with Trashmouth?” Bill had of course visited since Eddie had moved in, but he hadn’t spent time alone with Eddie until that very night.

“He’s great. Richie is great. Surprisingly clean.”

“You know, if you had told me when we were kids that you’d be living with Richie, I wouldn’t believe it. I would’ve thought you’d kill each other.”

Eddie laughed. “Not yet. Got close yesterday. He squeezes the toothpaste tube from the middle.”

Bill snorted into his beer. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“But he has been a bit more annoying lately.”

“More than the norm or did he watch more American Crime without you?”

Eddie couldn’t help but smile. “He told you about that?”

“Yeah. Audra’s done the same. I watched two episodes of Breaking Bad without her and she wouldn’t talk to me for a whole day.”

“How are things with her?” Eddie asked, taking a swig of his drink.

“I told her the truth.”

Eddie choked. “What!?”

Other’s at the bar stared at the noises Eddie was making.

“I told her the truth,” Bill repeated, a little quieter as if to hush Eddie.

Eddie looked around, no one was no longer staring, but he too matched up to Bill’s hushed voice.

“Like, the whole truth or….?”

“Everything,”

“What’d she say?”

“She believes that I think it’s real. She thought it was childhood trauma related hallucinations,” Bill said. “I feel better knowing that I’m not lying to her anymore.”

“That’s… probably the best-case scenario.” Eddie replied.

“Yeah. Richie said something similar when I told him.”

Eddie’s eyes widened. “How come Richie got to know before me?”

“You were at work and it hasn’t come up until now,” Bill shrugged.

Eddie frowned into his drink. He suddenly remembered what they had been discussing before Audra. Richie.

“Not to backtrack after that, but I didn’t tell you why Richie was being more annoying,” Eddie admitted, peaking at Bill’s interests. “He’s been working non-stop on his new material, which is great. But I’ve caught him a few times trying to stay awake after his second round of pain meds that are meant to knock him out. I just… he’s been pushing himself.”

Bill hummed. “You told him that?”

“What?”

“That you’re worried.” Bill was a writer. He knew to read between the lines. Eddie may have not said it clearly, but it was obvious that he was worried.

Eddie shook his head. “I don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to coddle him.”

Not that Eddie would admit it, but it became a bit of a fear that he’d become overbearing like his mother and Myra to those he cared about.

Bill, instantly figuring out why knew what he had to say to Eddie.

“You know, Eddie, being worried and being controlling are two different things. You shouldn’t be scared to call him out on stuff like that. I know Richie would want to know. Even when I was with him in Derry, he always tried to push himself. It wouldn’t hurt to remind him not to.”

Eddie nodded, but stayed quiet.

The two downed the rest of their drinks. And it was then that Eddie wasn’t ready to admit that he was a lightweight as he got another bourbon while Bill opted for some water being the designated driver of the night.

“Are new things meant to scare you?” Eddie suddenly asked. His lips loosened by the alcohol.

“I think the best things are meant to scare you, at least a little. Why that suddenly?”

Eddie downed the rest of his drink of ‘liquid courage’ known by another name of ‘stupid juice’.

“Is love meant to scare you?” He asked in a small voice.

Bill’s eyes suddenly widened, realising that it was going to be _that _kind of conversation he wished he had been drunk.

“Uh-Well, when you really love someone, and I mean really love someone, you will do anything for them, all you want them to be is safe and most importantly happy. Love is trust. Love is effort. Love is supportive and comforting. Does that make sense?”

Eddie got quiet for a moment, nursing at his drink.

“I thought I had that with Myra, but I never did,” Eddie confessed. “I wouldn’t know real love, even if it slapped me in the face.”

When Eddie stopped talking, Bill knew that there was something else that he wanted to say. It was why he was drinking so much. Bill smiled and placed a steady hand on Eddie’s shoulder.

“Tell him.”

Eddie’s eyes went wide. “What--”

“Tell him,” Bill repeated. “It doesn’t have to be tonight, but eventually you should.”

Eddie beckoned the bartender for another round.

“What makes you think I’m talking about Richie?”

“I have a bit of a hunch?” Bill merely stared back at Eddie.

“_Hunch_,” Eddie scoffed. “I mean, we grew up together. We were and are best friends. It’s…. It’s Trashmouth we’re talking about. Come on!”

Bill knew that Eddie was looking for reassurance behind the façade of denial. So, Bill did it in a way that Eddie would have to put the pieces together for himself.

“So, you feel the same way for Richie as me, or Mike, or Bev and Ben?”

“No.” Eddie’s reply was almost instant. The speed of the reply surprised the two of them.

Eddie downed the next drink in seconds. Bill nervously watched as his friend did so.

Eddie stared back. Fear in his eyes. Bill had seen a similar expression on Richie’s face when he had come out to him. So, Bill merely said what his honest thoughts were.

“The way I see it, just like how Bev found Ben. You found Richie.”

“I’ve just got a divorce. It’s just because I’m lonely, right? I don’t want to think that I do when—" Eddie didn’t get the chance to finish his panicked babble.

“If we had lost him back in Derry, what do you think you would have done?”

That hit Eddie hard.

Every day he was constantly haunted by the reminder that Richie had almost died. Sometimes Richie would be fine, laughing or talking about something, and the moment he thought Eddie would look away, his face would shift like he had eaten something sour. It very well could’ve been mistaken for that if Richie hadn’t always clutched his side. Richie was always in pain. Less than what he had been, but he downplayed it constantly in front of others. Richie thought he hid it well, but Eddie knew. Eddie could always tell. 

Eddie thought about their lives together as roommates. He thought of the mundane things like discussing about what kind of car that Eddie was going to buy or arguing about who left out the box of cheerios (it had been Richie), or when he would recount his day at work to Richie who would swear that he was listening, or even when Richie would blech and blow it directly on to his face.

That all could’ve been ripped from him.

No more lame jokes. No more infuriating teasing. No more laughter. No more nothing.

No more Richie.

Period.

“I guess I need to ask,” Bill tore Eddie out of his thoughts. “Are you happy, Eddie?”

Myra’s words echoed in his mind.

_“Did I ever make you happy?”_

He hadn’t known the real answer to that question until after he had laid his eyes back on Richie when he arrived on his doorstep.

For the first time in years, the answer to that question came easily to Eddie.

“I am, Bill. I am.”

* * *

When Eddie awoke the next morning, it took him a moment to realise where he was.

He was….home? Eddie looked up and around. He was in the living room. He couldn’t remember how he got on to the couch, but his shoes were off and neatly paired together on the floor and a blanket had been placed over him.

Eddie didn’t have too much time to think about it before he heard someone walking toward him.

“Ah, so the great beast awakens,” It was Richie. “How are you feeling?”

Eddie groaned, pulling like the blanket over his head. He could hear from Richie’s smug voice that he wasn’t going to let him live it down. He could vaguely see the shadow Richie cast as he stood beside him near the couch.

“Not horrible. What happened?” Eddie croaked.

“You had a few more drinks than you should have. Bill brought you home. You walked straight past me, made a b-line for the couch and passed out face first.”

Eddie had vague memories return to him, but nothing solid. Eddie poked his head out to glare at Richie.

“You’re loving this, aren’t you?”

“Every second,” Richie grinned. “To be such a lightweight at forty, people more than half our age would be so jealous.”

“How about you shut up.”

“Take it easy. I have a peace offering.” Richie said, offering one of the mugs he held.

Eddie muttered a quiet ‘thanks’ as he sat up and took it. Eddie stared down into the mug. It was coffee with a half and half ratio of coffee and creamer. He took one sip and knew there was no sugar.

Richie had remembered how he liked his coffee.

And suddenly, Eddie remembered what he and Bill had been talking the night before. Eddie looked over at Richie as he sat on the other couch.

He put two and two together. Richie had pulled his shoes off and placed the blanket over him. Eddie couldn’t help but tenderly smile as he felt a burst of warmth in his chest.

Richie was quietly drinking his own coffee when he noticed Eddie staring. Richie had never seen such a look in Eddie’s eyes. It made him nervous.

“What? Have I got something on my face?”

Eddie ignored the question. The smile didn’t leave his face.

“Let’s go out today.”

Richie was taken aback. “Out?”

“Yes. Out of the house. It’s the weekend, let’s do something. You’ve been working non-stop every day. Taking one day to relax won’t kill you.” Eddie wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

Richie blinked. He couldn’t help but wonder if Eddie was still drunk.

“…Okay. What did you want to do?”

* * *

Richie’s day went from strange to even stranger.

Eddie had been acting slightly amiss and the next thing he knew, they were at the beach.

A part of Richie feared that they’d be stared at and judged. But no one paid no mind. No one seemed to care. They were just two more faces in the crowd.

Not that Richie wanted to complain. It was a great day for it, and he had been wanting to get out of the house, but he just hadn’t thought what to do. One of the last things he expected was Eddie suggesting they go out together to the beach and yet, there they were. Just two middle aged men sitting on towels watching the waves.

And Eddie had been…. well, oddly…nicer? No – that wasn’t the right way to phrase it. Richie tried to put a word to it, but there just wasn’t a word he could think of.

Eddie was still Eddie, but there was something different about him. It was almost as if the chaos that hovered around Eddie had slowed. As if he had found peace with something within himself. Richie shook away such thoughts, he was more than likely over thinking it.

“Here.”

It was an ice cream cone. Richie smiled. A wave of nostalgia washed over him.

“Do you remember when we were kids and I got you to hold my ice cream as I tried to play that kid’s trumpet?”

“It was a tuba, but yes. I was so sure he was going to kick your ass.”

“In my defence, he had no sense of fun,”

Eddie chuckled. Richie smiled at him before looking away into the distance. The waves crashing. Eddie by his side. It was such a moment he wouldn’t have ever imagined, but it was something he knew he’d treasure.

“I’m glad we did this.” Richie said, his voice completely sincere.

Eddie’s reply was nothing but a smile. Words didn’t need to be shared to know that Eddie had thought the same.

The two fell into a comfortable as they ate their ice creams. Long after they were done, Richie leant back, enjoying the sunlight.

“You know,” Eddie broke the silence. “My mom took me to the beach for the first time about half a year after I left Derry. She told me to not go near the water, saying all these things like how there was jellyfish or broken glass. And…. I listened to her.”

Richie stayed quiet, listening as Eddie slowly continued.

“It was weird, but I remembered thinking that….that it shouldn’t have mattered because I had swum in worse. I couldn’t remember why I thought that……until we were back in Derry. The quarry.”

Richie remembered how they’d swim in the quarry as kids back in Derry. Eddie would constantly complain how it was filled with diseases, but he still swam in it through the encouragement of the others. Richie than understood what Eddie had been trying to tell him.

It was that without the memory of his friends and childhood, Eddie also forgot how to fight against his mother’s orders.

It took Richie a moment to realise that Eddie was rolling up his pants up to his knees.

“Eds?”

Eddie ignored Richie as he got up and walked toward the water. Eddie walked as far in as he could without getting his pants wet and he stood there. The water pushed and pulled against his ankles.

At age forty, to some, an act of defiance against one’s mother who had already passed would seem childish, but for Eddie, he had every right. Years of his life were wasted by the seeds that his mother had sown.

Richie watched from a distance for a moment seeing Eddie standing alone in the sea, and he had decided that something was missing from what he saw.

Richie got on his feet and walked until he was standing by Eddie’s side. Richie finally found the right word to describe the slight difference that had occurred in Eddie.

Eddie looked free….. and then he looked extremely mad when Richie pushed him into the water.

* * *

The two ended the night eating a diner near their neighbourhood.

Richie adored every second of it. Even though they had spent years apart and they had been living together for weeks, Eddie continued to prove to Richie that he was still his favourite person.

“All I’m saying is that they could’ve added less oil to their sauce.” Eddie complained.

“But that gives it flavour.”

Eddie reluctantly hummed in agreement as he opened the door to the house. Eddie sighed as he flopped into the chair by the kitchen’s counter.

“Today was good, but I don’t know about you, but I’m beat. It’s good to be home.”

Richie perked up. He stared wide eyed at Eddie.

Eddie stared back, confused.

“What?”

Richie smiled. “It’s nothing.”

“Come on. Spill.”

“It’s just, that’s the first time I’ve heard you call this home.”

Eddie had only realised the same thing when Richie had said those words. It was the first time he had ever said it out loud. Eddie had thought of it as ‘home’ plenty of times, but never aloud.

“I guess it was.” Eddie mumbled as he hid a smile.

Richie couldn’t describe how content he was with his life. Everything was perfect. Or at least, he thought it was until he saw one grim reminder. He couldn’t help but stare. In all the time Eddie had moved in, he hadn’t had the time to think about Derry.

It all changed when he was one eight-legged creature crawling on the kitchen countertop. 

A spider.

It had just been a spider, but that’s all it took to remind him of it all.

Suddenly echoes of memories ran through his mind.

Pennywise’s spiderlike form. Blood. Pain. A leg piercing through Eddie’s chest.

Eddie slammed his shoe against the creature, killing it.

“I hate spiders.” He muttered.

Richie watched as Eddie cleaned his shoe in the trash. Eddie hadn’t paid any mind to it until he realised that Richie hadn’t moved.

“Is everything okay, Rich?”

Richie considered for a moment to confide the truth to Eddie. But it was nothing more than a fleeting moment.

He didn’t want to ruin a near perfect day talking about such things.

_Pull it together._

“I’m fine. Just tired,” Richie pretended to act as normal as he could. “I think I might hit the hay.”

Richie turned toward the direction of his room. A phantom pain ran up through his wound, as if it were too reliving that day.

“Oh, uh, goodnight?” Eddie called out.

Richie forced a smile as he turned back.

“Goodnight.”

Richie had turned back away and shut the door, hoping that Eddie didn’t notice how forced the smile was.

That night Richie stared at the walls. It was such a great day. He didn’t want to think of such things. Instead, he wanted to think of small things he could do for Eddie the next morning. Like making pancakes or binge watching some obscure documentary with Eddie.

He didn’t want the memory of the clown to stop his future. Everything was perfect the way it was. It was a perfect balance.

Richie didn’t want to mess with it.

He shut his eyes. Tomorrow would be another great day.

* * *

_The sun shined above them. Another scorching day._

_A perfect day._

_“The beach again?”_

_“Why not? It’s great weather again. It’s nice here.”_

_Eddie laughed._

_“It is. But are we even really here?”_

_Richie blinked. “What do you mean?”_

_Eddie’s eyes seemed to darken, but it took a moment for Richie to realise that it wasn’t just Eddie. The whole sky hard darkened. Richie felt eyes on him._

_Richie felt his heart drop. Everyone at the beach was standing and staring at the pair, unblinking and completely silent. Their eyes all wide but lacked any real life behind them._

_“Did you really think that this happy ending would last?” Eddie asked._

_Richie snapped his head back toward Eddie, but he was gone. Suddenly wind pounded around him. The crowded beach had become barren. Richie stood alone._

_“Eddie? Eddie!?” His calls were for naught._

_Richie looked up, the wave in the distance was growing larger and larger. It was a tidal wave that would crush half a city and it started to crash down right on Richie._

_The water thrashed him around like nothing. Richie didn’t know which way he was being pulled. Up. Down. Left. Right._

_It was all happening so fast, he couldn’t tell._

_He couldn’t breathe. Without seeing where he was going, he finally managed to kick through some sort of surface. He gasped for air grabbing on to the nearest source of land. It was some sort of….rock?_

_Richie pulled himself out of the pool of water and he immediately looked up and around._

_“….No.”_

_Even in the dark and the water clouding his glasses, he recognised where he was._

_“No. No. No. No!”_

_Richie was back in the cavern. That damn cavern._

_A giant spider leg grazed the side of the wall, screeching against the rock. And from the darkness. It emerged._

_Pennywise smiled, it’s teeth sharp and it’s grin wide. It slowly crawled it’s way toward Richie._

_“I missed you, Richie. Did you miss me?”_

_“Fuck you!” Richie yelled, backing up into a wall. “This isn’t real!”_

_Pennywise giggled. “Oh Richie. What makes you think that I let you go? A perfect life isn’t for you at all. It is your life after all.”_

_Richie didn’t want to hear it._

_“Shut the fuck up! Shut up!” Richie screamed._

_“It doesn’t change that I’m telling the truth. Why do you think Bill accepted your filthy little secret? Or that sweet little Eds is living with you?”_

_Richie felt hot tears run down his face. It had been a fear lingering in the back of his mind. That none of it was real and it had been all some sick trick from Pennywise. Richie had pushed such thoughts aside, convinced that his life was real._

_But….Pennywise was making sense. How could it be his life? The Losers back in his life. Bill accepting him. Eddie living with him happily, and even his manager agreeing to allow to work on new material. It was too good with how his life had gone until that moment._

_It wasn’t that Richie had lived a bad life, but never in his whole life had he been so lucky._

_“You’re mine, Richie.”_

* * *

Eddie had wanted to say something. He wasn’t an idiot. He could see that Richie was hiding something.

But it was getting late, so he decided to talk to him in the morning.

The truth was that Eddie was scared. Bill’s words kept echoing in his head all day.

Tell him.

He would change everything if he did. But Eddie brushed it aside. He’d bring it up if it got brought up or when for when he was ready.

When Eddie had retired to his own bedroom for the night, the last thing he expected was to be awakened a few hours by the sounds of screams.

Even half asleep, Eddie recognised the yells.

_Richie!_

Eddie flew out of bed. He slammed against the door frame with his uncoordinated footing but kept pushing forward. The pain was nothing. 

A million of horrible scenarios ran through Eddie’s head. A murderer. A burglar. And yet despite those thoughts, he didn’t think to bring a weapon. The most important thought running through his head was that he needed to get to Richie for whatever was happening.

But the thing was when Eddie almost kicked the bedroom door down, there was no one in the room. Only Richie jack-knifing upwards heavily panting.

Eddie’s panic morphed to relief to sympathy in a matter of moments.

A nightmare, and by the sound of it, a hell of one.

Eddie was about to say how he got nightmares too after everything, but he froze the moment his and Richie’s eyes met.

Richie’s eyes looked wild like he didn’t recognise him.

“No, no, no, no, no.”

“Richie?” Eddie began cautiously.

“Of course. I knew this was all too good to be true. That’s your whole gimmick, right? Huh? Well, this time I’m not buying into it!”

“Richie, what-”

“If you’re going to kill me, kill me! You sadistic fuck!”

It was then that Eddie realised what Richie was talking about. Eddie raised his hands, looking like he was trying to calm a wild animal.

“I’m not the clown. Richie, it’s me. We killed _It_. You just had a nightmare.”

Richie covered his ears and shut his eyes vigorously shaking his head.

“No! No! Stop it! Stop it!”

It was then Eddie knew that Richie was slipping and he needed to bring him back.

“Richie, hey! Listen to me!” Eddie was immediately sitting on the bed and he forcibly placed his hands on the sides of Richie’s face. “Hey, hey! Look at me! Richie, look at me!”

Richie finally opened his eyes, looking back at Eddie. Fear. Pain. Anger. They were all in his eyes. Eddie felt something break at him to see Richie so destroyed.

“It’s really me, okay? How can I prove it to you?” Eddie said the first thing that came to mind, which ended up being a memory from deep within their past. “Um. Okay. When we were eleven, we found your Dad’s liquor stash, remember? You took the bottle of whiskey and tried to drink with Stanley and Bill. Me and Stan warned you two not to. You and Bill did it anyway and ended up throwing up. You were grounded for a month after that. You remember? This was before _It_, before everything. Only the real me would know that, right?”

Richie blankly stared back. It was impossible to tell what was going through Richie’s mind and it killed Eddie. In a last-ditch attempt to convince Richie, Eddie kept talking.

“I don’t know what’s going through your head right now, but you have to believe me, Richie. It’s really me. We killed _It_. _It_’s not coming back ever. You’re here with me. Okay? It was only a bad dream,”

The two took long deep breaths. The haze over Richie’s eyes seemed to lift.

“Eds?”

“Yes,” Eddie smiled in relief. “It’s me.”

Eddie watched as Richie’s panic faded into an expression of apathy. Richie took deep breaths but remained silent. It was unsettling.

Eddie suddenly noticed a patch of red coming out through Richie’s shirt.

“You’re bleeding.” Eddie immediately pulled up Richie’s shirt and peeled off the bandage frantically, scared that Richie had reopened his stab wound. Richie did nothing to fight against it.

Eddie sighed in relief after seeing it was only some scabbing that had cracked letting a small amount of blood ooze out. Regardless, Eddie grabbed some disinfectant and a bandage.

Richie barely flinched. He continued to stare off, his thoughts obviously elsewhere. Eddie didn’t know what else he could do, but then to bandage him back up.

“Just let me know if it’s too tight.” Eddie said, attempting to break the silence.

“I’m sorry.” Richie’s voice sounded nothing more than a whisper.

Eddie shook his head.

“You don’t need to say that, Richie. Not to me.”

“Then why are you crying?”

Eddie furiously wiped away at the tears falling on his face. He didn’t know when they had exactly started.

Richie shuffled out of bed, changing his shirt from his drawers. Eddie silently held out his hand for the dirty shirt. Richie hesitantly passed it to him.

Eddie took it to the laundry, letting it soak in stain removing detergent. When he returned to Richie’s room, Richie was sitting at the foot of the bed, staring at the floor. Eddie quietly seated himself next to Richie.

“You mind telling me what that was all about?” Eddie finally asked.

A long stretch of silent hung over them. Eddie opened his mouth to ask once again, but Richie finally spoke.

“Even if I told you, I don’t think you’d understand.”

Eddie didn’t like that answer at all.

“Try me. Talk to me,” Eddie gently placed a hand on Richie’s knee. “Please.”

Everything in Richie that had told him to keep it a secret had died the moment he looked up into Eddie’s eyes. Eddie had his puppy dog eyes out and because of that, Richie only had one answer.

“Okay.”

Eddie stayed quiet the entire time as Richie explained it all from Eddie’s death to reliving the same moment saving him. Richie kept a few details to himself like what he had been doing on the kissing bridge as it was one of the last things he wanted to unpack in that moment.

When Richie had stopped talking Eddie was staring off, his face pensive. It took a while before Eddie had processed everything that Richie had just told him.

“Shit,” Eddie’s head shot back over to Richie. “And you lived all through that twice?”

A part of Richie couldn’t help but wonder why Eddie hadn’t asked or commented on his death, but instead expressed worry for him instead. Richie silently nodded.

Eddie dragged a hand down his face. It rested against his chin as he let it all sink in.

“Well, that explains how you knew how to kill Pennywise,” Eddie put the pieces together. “You already killed _It_.”

“You told us how to the first time before you…. you know.” The lump in Richie’s throat ceased to fade and he hated it. He hated feeling so vulnerable over the ordeal; so weak.

“So,” Eddie couldn’t figure out a better way to say what he wanted, so instead he was blunt. “I really did die.”

Richie nodded.

“Yeah.”

Eddie’s eyes never left Richie’s and he said something that was one of the last things Richie had been expecting.

“I’m sorry.”

Richie’s eyebrows furrowed.

“What why?” Richie said. “It’s not your fault.”

“You still had to watch me die.” Eddie said, his voice calm and full of sympathy.

The lump in Richie’s throat threatened to spill out as a sob. Richie refused to yield to the wave of emotion washing over him. He wanted to cry, but he denied himself that right. Eddie has seen him vulnerable enough for one day.

However, Eddie wasn’t blind. Despite Richie’s best efforts, Eddie could see the pain in Richie’s face, and it wasn’t because of his wound. Eddie suddenly felt a renewed hatred for the shape shifting monster.

“So, _It _really got to kill me without really letting me live a real life with my memories of you guys.” Eddie spat.

_Yes_, Richie thought. _I can deal with an angry Eddie._

Richie thought carefully of what he said next, trying to comfort Eddie.

“It probably wasn’t real. The clown probably just had me seeing shit.”

“How can you know that for sure?” Eddie immediately stood and began to pace. “It doesn’t make sense if it weren’t. Why would Pennywise show you how to kill It? How do we know that it’s actually dead because I swear if we have to kill that monster again at seventy years old--”

“If It wasn’t dead, we wouldn’t remember each other. But you’re right, there’s no way to know for sure,” Richie admitted. “But what matters is that we’re here now and that other life isn’t real.”

Eddie stopped in his tracks, dragging a hand across his face for the second time in the span of a few minutes.

“If you say so, it’s just,” Eddie sighed, his gaze back on his Richie, his eyes almost pleading. “I was cautious my whole life and I still ended up dead. I don’t want my life to be what it was. The years I’ve had out of Derry was barely a life. I’ve wasted so much time because I was a coward.”

At the first signs of Eddie berating himself, Richie felt instantly compelled to shut it down. 

“Don’t talk like that. Firstly, you’re making up for lost time now. You’re already changing things. Some people would change in a few steps at a time, but you were brave enough to take leaps. You weren’t happy with your job, so you quit. You weren’t in a great place with the person you were married to, so you got out of it and moved to LA. A coward wouldn’t do all that.”

“But I’m still scared,” Eddie confessed, his arms folded across his chest. “So many things are changing and are different now and it freaks me out every day. Pathetic, right?”

Richie frowned and his gaze was intensely fixated on Eddie’s.

“Courage isn’t being completely not scared at all. I think anyone who says different is full of shit. Courage is doing something _despite_ being scared. Which if I am not mistaken spells you out perfectly. So, no, Eddie. You are far from being a coward so cut that out right now.”

“But--”

“No buts. Shut up.”

They stared back at each other and Richie watched as some sort of realisation dawned over him.

“Shit, Rich.” Eddie muttered, going back to sit beside Richie once more.

“What?” he asked.

“It’s just….. what It did to you and me. I hope there’s a Hell so _It_ can burn there. Seriously, fuck that clown.”

Richie hummed in agreement. “You can say that again.”

Eddie suddenly began to chuckle. Richie was almost scared to ask why. Almost.

“What is it?”

“You’ve been hanging around Bill too long. You’re stealing all his speech roles as our pseudo Losers ‘leader’.”

Richie snorted. “I know. It fucking sucks.”

Eddie dragged across his face with a sigh.

“Richie, one of these days you’re going to give me a heart attack.”

“Don’t worry about me, Eddie, I’m f—”

“But I do worry,” Eddie snapped. “What would I do if –”

There was silence between the two and Richie hated it more than anything. Eddie stared down into his lap.

“Eds?”

“Bill told me that some of the best things in life are meant to scare you a little. So,” Eddie nervously darted his eyes down away from Richie’s gaze. “I want to do something that scares the shit out of me, but I’m worried about what will happen if I do.”

Richie immediately assumed that Eddie was talking about some strange extreme activity like skydiving or bungee jumping. Richie thought it was odd timing for it, but smiled regardless.

“Whatever it is, Eds, I support you. I say do it and damn the consequences.”

“You’re sure?” Eddie asked in a quiet voice.

“Yep.” Richie nodded.

“Okay.” Eddie placed both hands on the sides of Richie’s face.

The next thing Richie knew, Eddie had surged towards him, his lips against the others.

Eddie kissed him. Richie’s first gut reaction was panic, but without even realising it he was kissing him back.

Eddie’s hand traced its way from Richie’s cheek to the back of his head. Richie’s mind was melting, because holy shit Eddie was kissing him!

Eddie continued to kiss him again….. then again…..and again. Richie returning it, each time.

But he pulled his mind away the euphoria long enough to force himself to physically pull away enough to part his lips from Eddie’s. He had to know why it was happening and if he was hallucinating or not.

“W-Wait. What are you doing?”

“Kissing you.” Eddie bluntly replied. 

“I-I noticed,” Richie nervously stuttered. “But why?”

“Shit,” Eddie pulled away, his eyes wide. “Are we not on the same page? Because Bill said--”

“Bill!?” Richie interrupted. “Did he put you up to this?”

“Uh….Yes? No? I don’t know how to answer that question.”

Richie felt his heart sink and disintegrate in his chest. _Oh_…of course it would have been a joke.

_That’s what you get for trusting someone with your secret, Richie._ He scolded himself.

“Of fucking course,” Richie couldn’t bare to meet Eddie’s eyes. “Of course, Bill told you about the whole childhood pining. It was just too funny, wasn’t it. Did you have your fun? I just didn’t think he’d sink that low--”

“Wait what!?”

At the loud and confused tone, Richie instinctively looked back over to Eddie. Richie’s mouth immediately snapped shut. Eddie’s eyes were practically bulging from his head in shock. It was then that Richie realised that there was an obvious miscommunication between the two.

“Wait. Back up. So, what did Bill say to you?”

It took a moment for Eddie to process what Richie had asked, his mind still reeling at what Richie had just said.

“Uh…What I told you before about doing things that scare you. He never mentioned anything about you.”

“So….. He didn’t tell you about….?”

“No.”

“Fuck.” That was all Richie could say. He just outed his feelings on a slight misunderstanding.

“Even back when we were kids, you….?”

Every part of Richie’s mind was practically screaming at him to lie and to say any excuse to save himself from such a confession.

It took a moment for Richie to process that Eddie’s hand was back on the side of his face, making the latter look at him.

“Richie?”

But perhaps it was the part of Richie that couldn’t bare to lie to Eddie or Eddie’s stupidly big brown eyes, but it made Richie’s resolve weaken.

“Even when I couldn’t remember who you were, it’s always been you.”

Richie felt like he was going to throw up as his whole body tingled. Never in his life had he been more afraid of how a person would react. Richie was more than aware that he would always assume the worst and receive a response that he couldn’t ever imagine. 

Eddie surged forward once more, however Eddie kissed Richie more passionately than any of the times prior.

Eddie was not Richie’s first kiss or vice versa. Richie liked to think he knew quite a few things about kissing, but everything and anything he knew was thrown out the window the moment Eddie pressed his lips against his.

When Eddie pulled away, Richie hesitantly placed his hand against Eddie’s scarred cheek.

“Wait, Eds, I need to know… is this…..do you…?”

Eddie stared blankly at Richie for a moment as if to say ‘_seriously? Do you think I’d kiss just anyone?_’, but he quickly understood that Richie needed to know where they stood since Eddie had just crossed a line they could never go back from.

“I always felt like a part of me was missing for years. I never realised what it was until I was back in that restaurant in Derry, and I saw you.”

Richie ‘Trashmouth’ Tozier in the flesh was left speechless.

The life he was living had to be a lie. There was no way in heaven nor hell that he would be lucky enough to find out that his childhood love had mutual feelings.

Life wasn’t that good to him. He wasn’t lucky. It couldn’t be his life. The clown must’ve killed him.

“Richie, please say something,” Eddie urged. “When you go quiet, that almost always means somethings wrong. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have--”

Richie silenced Eddie with his lips.

The passion. The warmth. The unspoken and powerful pull of ‘L’ word.

Richie’s mind was silenced as it all became filled with just Eddie.

* * *

When Richie first awoke, he needed to squint. Was that….a head of dark hair? Richie’s first instinct was to panic, but he then realised that it was Eddie.

Oh….That was right. Eddie had slept in his bed last night.

The memories of the previous night began to seep back into his memory. The nightmare. Eddie. The kiss.

All Richie could do was turn on his side and watch as Eddie’s body rose and fell with each breath.

Eddie was still fast asleep, and his mouth was parted ever so slightly. Eddie let out a stunted snore.

Richie couldn’t help but chuckle. Even when they were kids whenever Eddie snored it was always so quiet. So many things had changed in twenty-seven years, but Eddie’s snores were not one of those things.

As if sensing that he was being watched, Eddie too slowly began to awake. His eyes lazily blinked his sleep away.

Eddie’s eyes found Richie’s and he stared back as Richie couldn’t stop smiling.

“Good morning.” Richie said.

Eddie tiredly returned the smile.

“G’morning.”

A comfortable silence fell over the two as they just continued to stare at each other. Both completely content.

Richie placed a hand against Eddie’s cheek. He caressed Eddie’s scar with his thumb. Eddie instinctively leaned into Richie’s tender touch.

“I still feel like I’m dreaming.” Richie quietly confessed.

Eddie placed his hand over Richie’s. He turned his head to chastely kiss the inside of Richie’s palm.

“You’re not.”

Richie forced himself to blink away tears that threatened to fall. He made an unconvincing attempt to hide it, but it failed. They were already acting so…. domestic. It was like they had been together for a couple for years instead of a few hours. It was strange and it scared the shit out of Richie, but he also welcomed it.

It was almost like they were always meant to be together. Fate. Destiny. Whatever people like to call it, nor Eddie and Richie believed in such a thing….. or rather, neither of the two did until that day.

Richie saw as Eddie frowned, but he quickly went to reassure him.

“I’m okay. I’m okay. It’s just,” Richie suddenly smiled. “I still can’t believe that this is real.”

Eddie smiled, grabbing a hold of Richie’s hand. He gave it a squeeze.

“Well, get used to it because it is,” Eddie’s eyes glistened ever so slightly. “You know, these past few weeks and especially now, I……I never knew I could be this happy.”

Richie felt his heart tremble at that confession, silently promising to himself that he would do anything and everything to keep Eddie happy for the rest of his life.

Richie reached over, tracing his fingers over Eddie’s fading cheek scar. Eddie shut his eyes to rest, content at the touch.

“Eddie?” Richie said.

“Hmm?”

“I’m gay.”

Eddie’s eyes snapped opened and he beamed at Richie.

“Well, the whole having feelings for me since we were kids may have given it away,” Eddie snickered, almost about to point out how Richie still hadn’t stopped caressing his face.

“I know, but I just wanted to say it.” Richie beamed. It felt good to not just say it but to accept it.

“Rich?”

“Yeah?”

“I may have married Myra, but deep down underneath it all, I think I was just lying to myself all these years…..I think, well - not think. What I’m saying is that I’m…. I’m gay too.”

Richie pulled Eddie’s face towards his and kissed him because he knew that he could. Eddie kissed back before he pulled away with a sour look on his face. Richie felt his heart stop. Had he made the wrong decision?

“Your morning breath,” Eddie coughed. “We’re not doing that again until you brush your teeth.”

Richie felt his panic die in his chest.

“_Again_, huh?” Richie couldn’t help but wonder despite the clear signs. “So, this definitely isn’t just a one-time thing?”

Eddie stared back at Richie, clearly confused.

“Of course not. Why would you think that?” Eddie suddenly sat up. “Oh! I never really said anything, did I? Rich, if you don’t want to, then--”

Richie almost immediately cut Eddie off.

“No! I do. Completely. I’m all in. But I want you to be sure. It’s your call. I mean, don’t you don’t think we’re going too quick? I mean, your divorce isn’t even finalised yet and now you’re in bed with someone else, and another man at that. How scandalous.”

Eddie playfully smacked Richie’s arm.

“You make it sound so bad,”

“You’re right. We did worse than that.” Richie was of course alluding to the fact that they had made out like teenagers at a party and fell asleep before it got anywhere like the old men, they felt they were.

The two would have no doubt have gotten intimate if it hadn’t been 3am in the morning. Of course, the two were tired and whilst Richie wasn’t a virgin, a large reason of it was that Eddie had never been with another man. Whilst it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what to do, it was a step that the two mutually decided not to take. At least not yet.

Neither regretted a single thing. Eddie sunk back down into the bed.

“But to answer your question, no. I don’t,” Eddie smiled, not a shred of guilt in his voice as his hand traced back up to Richie’s face. “Do you?”

Richie slowly shook his head. “I feel like it’s all playing catch up on twenty-seven years, you know?”

“That’s because we are,” Eddie said. “Imagine if we never forgot…. All that lost time.”

“We have the rest our lives to catch up.”

As soon as Richie said it, he was afraid that he was being too bold. He eased when he heard Eddie’s reply.

“That is so corny.” Eddie teased. It would’ve been more effective if he hadn’t started to cry. He couldn't believe how loved he was. Richie didn't need to say it to convey it. Eddie couldn't help but think to himself in his tears '_oh.... so this is what I've been missing my whole life_'. 

Richie wiped away his tears. Richie liked to think what was going to happen next for them.

Eventually they’d announce to the rest of the Losers that they’re together, subsequently coming out to them. And they’d support them no matter what because they loved both him and Eddie.

Then he’d finish his new show, which he’d perform. And it’d be great.

Maybe down the line Richie would conquer a great fear of his and come out to the world as gay, because fuck the clown.

And maybe, just maybe there would be more than one future Loser wedding.

But for now, Richie was content lying in bed with the man he loved. It was their second chance and he wasn’t going to waste it, not for a single second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And we are at the end. I was going to drag out the end more, but I knew that if I kept writing that this entire chapter would've ended up being 20k+, and I didn't want to keep pushing back the final chapter for another month. Hope you enjoyed it!  
Reddie deserved to be happy 2k20

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: It is oddly satisfying to finally write characters that swear.  
A few side notes, the lack of stuttering from Bill will be addressed next chapter. Also spoiler alert, Richie isn't dead. This is a fix-it fic, not a troll. But while it is a fix it, it's not going to be without some angst y'all. I don't think I'm capable of all fluff.


End file.
